Marriage Mondays: Encouraging Respect for Your Husband

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This valentines day, show love to your husband or boyfriend in the way he’ll appreciate most. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his bestselling book “Love and Respect,” women desire to be loved, while men (also desire to be loved obviously) but they desire respect more so.

So, lets discuss some encouraging respect for your husband by showing them we respect them.

What is His Love Language?

First, it’s important to know what his love language is. According to Gary Chapman, bestselling author of “The 5 Love Languages” there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Does your husband seem to enjoy gifts? Give your gift with an encouraging love note (we’ll get to said words later). Or does he get excited when you spend time with him? Speak some encouraging words to him when you’re alone with him.

Knowing your husband’s love language is a special touch to add when encouraging respect for your husband. But, as I mentioned above, its important to know what encouraging words for your husband, which leads to the next point.

What do You Tell Him?

Decide what you will say. Don’t write a cookie-cutter, fortune cookie message. Be specific about what you admire or respect about him. According to Dr. Eggerichs, men desire to be admired and respected.

Think up some reasons why you admire him. If you’re having some trouble thinking of things, go back to when you were engaged: what did you admire about him? What drew you to him?

Some ideas:

This is why I respect you….

I respect you because…

I’m so glad you chose me to be your wife

I’m proud to be your wife because…

I believe in you.

You’re the strongest (and/or sexiest) man I know

You’re such a great protector

You’re such a hard worker because…

I appreciate how hard you work every day for our family

You’re the most hardworking man I know because…

Say these things or make little notes for him to find (lunchbox, work desk, etc). But why are these notes based on respect or admiration? Well, most men desire respect more than love. Not to say they don’t want love, but most men want respect more.

After surveying hundreds of men, Shaunti Feldhahn author of “For Women Only” found that 74% of men said they would rather feel unloved than disrespected. Respect is a big deal for men. If you want to show your man how much you adore him, show him some respect.

Conclusion

Men endure a lot-as the leaders of the home they carry a heavy burden. It’s important to uplift and encourage the men we love in our lives. Not just our husbands, but also our brothers, and fathers or father-figures. On a side note, another way to show respect for your husband is to show submission to him. You can read more about submission in my article “what does submission mean in marriage” here.

I love gassing up my husband. No one should be better at gassing up my man than me. Surely there will be others who will encourage him-whether at work or elsewhere. So, make sure it’s you, his leading lady, who is giving him the utmost encouragement and respect he craves!

Blessings,

M/M

P.S.

Check out the aforementioned books below to revamp and grow your marriage!

How Satan Plans to Destroy Your Marriage Through Your Mind

The Bible tells us in John 10:10 that Satan comes to steal , kill, and destroy. He doesnt just want to destroy your life, he also wants to destroy your marriage.

Why?

Everything good that God creates, Satan hates. He wants to twist it, and make it evil. Not only that, but he hates unity, and will di anything to divide your marriage. Don’t let him do that to your marriage!

Satan is very crafty, and cunning. He won’t attack you right in the open so you know its him. He will be stealthy. The Bible warns us to be aware of Satan’s tricks unless he’ll trip us up. And he will often use us as the enemy to drive us away from our spouses.

What are some of Satan’s tricks to destroy your marriage? Let’s see.

He’ll Attack Your Thoughts

I once heard a pastor teach how Satan attacks your thinking. He said Satan will speak thoughts into your head in a way that sounds like its you thinking those things.

Thoughts like,

“My husband is an idiot.”

“He doesn’t think I’m pretty.”

Of course, these thoughts could be from you or from Satan. Either way, talk back to yourself-“my husband is not an idiot.” Or ask your husband, “do you think I’m pretty?” To get the reassurance you need.

The Bible calls us to take control over our unruly thoughts in 2 Corinthians 10:5,

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

Satan dwells in the shadows. Expose his little lies by simply going to your partner and seeking the truth yourself. He’s riding on you dwelling on these thoughts for hours and days, and eventually believing them to be true.

Which is why the Bible also commands us to only think on good, positive things in Philippians 4:8,

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Again, its so important to be watching what you think. Watching your thoughts will also reveal what demonic spirit could be trying to influence you.

Watch Your Thoughts

Demons can identify themselves by the thoughts you hear in your mind. You can tell the thoughts are not your own usually if they are something you’ve never thoguht before, something way out of left field, or dramatic.

Such as:

-constant angry thoughts could be a sign of a spirit of anger

-sinful thoughts

-thoughts of harm

If you notice any of these thoughts pop into your head, rebuke them and speak Philippians 4:8 mentioned above. It’s important to not consider these thoughts for a moment, and to rebuke them.

Also, sometimes evil thoughts can be from us since we are inherently sinful. But sometimes spirits do come and try to influence us. If you entertain them you will have a problem. And if you give them a way in through what you watch or listen to, that’s another problem.

Be Careful What You Watch

Certain tv shows, music, and movies can open up a door way for Satan to come in. Such as?

-Movies or shows that invoke spirit of fear like horror movies

-Porn or other sexually explicit entertainment

Horror movies because God doesn’t call us to a spirit of fear as 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us,

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Porn because the Bible warns us to run from sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 6:18. “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

“But its just a movie.”

“it’s Just a show!”

You might be lamenting. What you watch and listen to can affect how you think about yourself and others.

Why do I think my husband is a bozo after watching Real Housewives of Atlanta all week (just an example, I hate reality tv)? Or why do I think my husband could be cheating on me after watching Tyler Perry’s Temptation?

That’s why King David wisely said in Psalms 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.”

The things we watch, and listen to can have an effect on us and be an opening for Satan to destroy our marriages through our minds.

Conclusion

All wisdom comes from God. If youre unsure about a tv show, movie, someone in your life, or even going somewhere, ask the Lord for wisdom. Does he want you to continue watching or listening to that?

Before you leave the house every day Put on the whole armor of God daily (Ephesians 6:11-18). Ask the Lord to give you discernment to know what is good and what is evil.

God wants us to have happy marriages. Don’t let little thoughts these sink root in your mind and cause an argument, or a root of bitterness in yourself and your marriage. Expose these lies for what they are and live free!

Blessings,

M/M

Monday Musings: Five Lessons from a Wife Whose Parents are Divorced

***I may or may not receive compensation from the affiliate link below. Thanks for your support!***

Divorce sucks. When it happens, it affects everyone-not just the husband and wife. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and the experience hurt. But I learned a lot examining my parents marriage-the highs, the lows and its eventual end taught me a lot of lessons that I draw upon now as a wife. Hopefully these lessons help you too.

1. Communicate as Much as You Can

As an introvert, I struggle sometimes with communicating with my spouse. I find it easier to withhold my thoughts and feelings and retreat into the safety of my mind. But I learned its better for the relationship to talk about any concerns or thoughts you have. Because your spouse wont know how you’re feeling until you tell them. Satan comes to destroy your marriage. He hates unity. He will speak lies to you about your spouse and continue to tell them until you believe it.

Satan: “He doesn’t think you look good in that outfit. In fact he thinks you’re ugly and wishes he was with his ex.”

Wife: “Does he still think about his ex? Does he think I’m ugly?”

By communicating, you put a stop to these lies and get the truth from your spouse yourself instead of assuming. Don’t be afraid to be real with your spouse. Ask him directly, “do you think I’m beautiful?” And don’t be afraid to talk back to those lying thoughts.

Wife: “that’s not true! My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world!”

Speaking of beauty, I’ve noticed insecurities can lead to assumptions. Which can also lead to arguments. Leading to my next point.

2. Assume the Best, Not the Worst

This one can be tricky because if you’re offended, its easy to assume your husband intentionally tried to hurt you. Especially if the offense is rooted in an insecurity. Insecurities are like healing scars: if you poke or pick at it, it’ll sting. If our spouse unintentionally (or intentionally) pokes at your insecurity, it can hurt a lot. The best thing to do is to first communicate with your spouse and tell them you were hurt by them. Try your best not to attack or assume they intentionally tried to hurt you. I’ve learned the best thing to do with insecurities is recognize them, and grow from it. Assuming things about your spouse can be perceived as disrespectful. You never want to disrespect your spouse.

3. Unconditional Respect

We’ve all heard of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect? I’ve learned that respect and love are equally important in marriage. Even the apostle Paul talks about the importance of respect as being as important as love in marriage. He commands the husband in Ephesians 5:25-33 to “love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for it…let everyone of you love his wife even as himself.”

But he also adds in verse 33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” As wives, we are to respect our husbands. Yes, our husbands should respect us too, but Paul specifically commands wives to respect their husbands. Why would he say this? I believe its because he knew respect is as important to men as love is to women and there would be times where we don’t want to respect our husbands. I’ve learned that respect is something that, when lacking, can cause lasting damage in a marriage. It can cause spouses to be embittered by one another. If a person doesn’t feel respected, they will find respect elsewhere.

Respect, like love, is a basic marital need. There will be times when I don’t feel my husband deserves respect, but I give it because in marriage, respect isn’t earned its required. More on this love and respect principle can be viewed in this awesome book: “Love and Respect: the love she most desires and respect he desperately needs” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which I’ve linked below.

Love and respect in marriage helps maintain unity in marriage like a glue. Glue is a perfect Segway to my next lesson, which is:

4. Keep the Unity

Unity is so important in marriage. I don’t just mean staying together forever. I also mean unity in goals for your lives. Before we got married, we spoke about life goals together and ensured we agreed on things like: children, pets, home ownership, debt, career goals, etc. We had to make sure we were both on the same page, or else we would not be unified on these topics. Jumping back on that respect point, I make sure never to disrespect or talk bad about my spouse to others including family. Because that will bring division. Speaking of family, family can be a cause of division in marriage. I spoke on this in a previous post called I married you, not your family

https://themustardseedwife.com/2021/09/17/i-married-you-not-your-family/

It’s important to set up appropriate boundaries with family members, and ensure the family knows your spouse is to be respected as another member of the family. An important  member of the marriage should be: Jesus.

5. Keep God in the Center

Keeping God in the center of your marriage will do wonders for your marriage and even before your marriage. Ask yourselves: Does God want us to be together in the first place?  Plead the blood of Jesus over your marriage daily. Pray for and with each other. Go to church together.

Make sure your heart is right with the Lord so you can love and serve your spouse the way you should. If you include God in your marriage, you will never be disappointed. Finally, the last one which is:

6. Divorce is Never an Option

Jason and I do as much as we can to ensure divorce is never an option for us. By not only implementing the lessons above, but also loving on each other, serving each other, keeping ourselves at our best so we maintain attraction for each other, and keeping our marriage first (after God). Of course, I understand there are instances where divorce should definitely happen, and God is able to make every broken situation into a beautiful one. I want to make sure I do everything I can to ensure its never an option.

Conclusion

Reiterating what I said above: I think divorce sucks. Divorce is like a bomb. Once its dropped it damages everything in its path: the children, the spouses, your finances, your home. So I want to do everything in my power to ensure divorce is not an option for myself and my husband.

Blessings,

M/M

Monday Musings: For Those Who Hate Being Single

Everyone has had that horrible feeling of scrolling through social media or walking down the street seeing a cute couple and thinking to yourself-I want that!

Everyone wants relationship goals: A hot guy or girl on your arm and a ring on your finger. I can relate. Before I got married, I hated being single. There were many nights I spent sadly scrolling through instagram looking at all the beautiful couples. But eventually, I was able to see the many perks of being single. And trust me, there are some perks! While marriage is awesome and I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world, I have to admit being single has a lot of perks.

1. You Have All the Time in the World

Folks who are single have boundless time compared to married people. Don’t get me wrong of course we all work, or go to school and other responsibilities. But being unmarried gives you the liberty to decide what you want to do with your time without consulting your spouse. So you can choose to go study abroad in France for a semester. Or go on a missions trip to Africa. You also have the freedom to explore your own desires and figure out what you want to do with your life. In retrospect, I wish I had travelled more when I was single. I had more free time, and time is a precious commodity. With free time, comes less responsibility.

2. Less Responsibility

Being single means you have a lot less responsibility compared to married people. Sure you may have bills, or take care of family members and such. But having a spouse comes with a whole host of other responsibilities. Since you’re joined to another person, you’re also joined to their responsibilities as well. When you’re married, you have to ensure that you and your spouse are fed, housed, bills are paid, appointments kept, and so on and so forth. Single people have (generally) less responsibility and gives you again, more time to yourself to do what you want to do. You can hang out with your friends as much as you want. You’re also more in charge of your money. You don’t have to consult with your spouse before making a huge purchase. So if your single and have the means, buy the Louis Vuitton shoes now lol.

3. Grow Closer to God

Finally, and most importantly, being single means you have more time to spend with God. Take a day to fast and spend time with the Lord—sure, why not? Spend the rest of the night studying Levitical priesthood? Heck yes! Plan a trip to Israel next year? Hello! When I was single, I spent sooo much more time with God compared to when I was married. The Apostle Paul even says about single Christian women that they desire to serve God more compared to married Christian women,

“There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34).

When I was single, my desire was definitely to love on God as much as I could. God and I had movie nights, I would spend evenings fasting and praying; and I grew in my faith by leaps and bounds. This isn’t to say that you can’t continue to do these things in marriage, but its different. You have to consider what your husband might need or what you both have planned for the day, or what you need to do around the house. If I want to have a movie night with God, I’ll have to plan it out now. Growing in my faith takes a little more planning now that I’m married. Generally, EVERYTHING takes a lot more planning when you’re married compared to when you’re single.

I know how hard being single can be: you really, really want someone you can spend life with and love on. But Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, “for everything there is a time and a season.” If we put so much stock into getting married, and think our lives won’t begin until marriage; not only will you be wasting time to do the things God wants you to do NOW but you probably won’t get married because you’ve created an idol out of marriage. In Exodus 20:3 God says, “You will have no other gods before me.” God will withhold things from us if were creating gods out of them.

Trust me, I’ve been there so I get it. But when I stopped being hellbent on not being single-my life blossomed! I grew in my relationship with God, grew to love myself and know who I am in Christ, and volunteered a lot. And I got married once I stopped focusing so much on being married. You can do the same. If you have a desire to be married, I believe God gave you that desire. Psalm 37:4 says to “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Notice what this promise says first-to delight yourself in the Lord FIRST. Then He will give you what you want.

For example, if you desire to preach the gospel to millions of people, its safe to say God placed that desire in your heart because He wants you to do that someday. And God will give you that desire: if you desire to preach the gospel to millions of people, He will make that happen. It’s the same with marriage. If you desire to be married, God will allow you to get married. But don’t let it be the end all be all. God should be our ultimate desire. When we have Him, we have everything.

The Sex Talk: Why Sex Can Make or Break Your Marriage

Growing up in the church, I noticed that sex was a taboo topic. Sex wasn’t spoken of often. As if talking about sex somehow makes us impure and dirty. So when I got engaged, I noticed how many marriage gurus (much to my surprise) were placing so much importance on sex in marriage. One marriage expert, Dr. Kevin Leman author of “Sheet Music,” spoke of sex in the marriage podcast “Dear Young Married Couple.” He says, “sex is like a thermometer in marriage.” In that he, as a marriage therapist, could often tell how a marriage was doing based on how sexually active the couple was. Well, if marriage is so important, why aren’t our churches talking more about it?

Sex = Bad

I believe churches often stress abstinence so much that some churches choose to simply not discuss it at all. Figuring that marriage would be something the married couple would discuss after they are married.

But, I’ve noticed that in choosing not to discuss marriage at all, young couples are entering into marriage with incorrect mindsets of sex: a lot of people my age believe sex is just a fun time, or a transactional thing you do between the person you love or sex is some scary thing. Not simply a powerful glue between two married people (more on this later). I once heard someone describe sex as fire: it can provide warmth when in the safe confines of marriage, but it can be a dangerous inferno when outside the confines of marriage-destroying every aspect of your life in its blaze.

Let’s Talk About Sex

The Bible speaks often about sex. God created us as sexual beings, thus why his first command to Adam and Eve was “to be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). So its normal to have urges, or feel like you need sex. That doesn’t make you weird, or depraved. Of course I don’t think its healthy to be obsessed with sex. And there are some people who don’t have these urges, and have been blessed with what the Apostle Paul calls “the gift of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:6-9).” But for most people, the urges are there and strong. Why wouldn’t they? If no one had sex, humanity would die off!

The Apostle Paul even implored married couples to not abstain from sex for too long or you could fall to temptation (1 Corinthians 7:5). God designed sex to bring us pleasure (Proverbs 5:18, and the whole Songs of Solomon). But He wanted us to have sex in marriage. Outside of marriage, there are so many dangers: STDs, emotional and spiritual damage, and of course having children outside of marriage.

Sex: The Fire That Rages

Researchers at the Institute of Family shows that women with 3-10 or more sexual partners were most likely to divorce, while women with 0-1 sexual partners were least likely to divorce. More research shows that having multiple sexual partners before marriage could lead to less happy marriages. Pretty surprising considering our society enforces the idea that having multiple sexual partners is fun and liberating, huh? This data also goes against the idea that you need to have multiple sexual partners to determine who is your “sexual match.” Oh, please. If anything, sexual intimacy develops throughout a lifetime of marriage, and having sex with only one partner strengthens that intimacy. In having multiple partners, it could be easy to compare sex with your partner, and sex with previous partners.

There are also spiritual effects of premarital sex. Bible speaks of being careful who you have sex with. First Corinthians 6:16-17 says “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” This is a clear warning that whoever you have sex with, you become one with. Genesis 2:24 also says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

You see this is why sex is so important. It isn’t just a pleasurable moment of fun between two people. Sex is a spiritual covenant between you, your partner, and God. Having sex tells God you two agree to be partners for life. Thats why today, just like in the old days a married couple had to have sex in order to consummate the marriage. Meaning the marriage wasn’t valid unless the two had sex. Sex is like the glue holding two people together. Thats why sex can be a thermometer in marriage because it strengthens your oneness with your spouse.

Sex is Great and Important

But I digress. Sex is important. It’s amazing, and can only get better with your spouse as you grow to understand what the other wants. The verses above provide further proof that when you have sex, you become one with someone. So, the emotions, personality, and even desires of your spouse becomes enmeshed with your own. I can fully attest to this. My husband and I since becoming married have become a lot like one another: our personalities, goals, and desires are more unified now than when we were dating. This isn’t to say were the same person, but we are definitely one. God designed it this way to maintain unity in marriage.

So what do you do with all this information? I believe engagement is a great time to discuss sex. Don’t get too spicy though! But definitely discuss it during premarital counseling-not by yourselves. Talk about how often you would want to have sex, even going as far as making a sex schedule. I know, that sounds so silly right? But life has a way of getting in the way of things-even important things like sex. Your spouse may be in a season where he has to work long hours and you two can’t just have sex whenever you want. It definitely does help. Plus making a schedule gives you something to look forward to throughout the week! Sex should be a priority in marriage. Don’t be afraid to talk about your sexual desires or fantasies with your spouse (in marriage!). Or to spice things up with flirting, lingerie or romantic weekend getaways.

I’m not saying of course if you have had sex outside of marriage you’re a completely broken being with no hope. Of course not! God can restore any situation, and provide healing and newness if that’s your story. But, if we choose to live God’s way in regard to sex, we will be much better off than doing it the world’s way.

Blessings,

M/M

How I Knew My Husband was the “One.”

In today’s day and age, there are so many ways to meet people: social media, online groups, dating apps or sites. How do we find “the one?” Well for me, God told me when and how I would meet my husband.

What??

I know, it sounds wild, but its true! In fact, God gave me multiple confirmations that Jason was the one for me. With all the methods available to us today its so important to be led by God as to who “the One” is. In this article, I’ll give you three ways God can show you who is “the One.”

Three ways to Know He/She is “The One”

1. The When and How

When I was single, I spent a lot of time in prayer, and bible study. This allowed me to grow in my relationship with God. I felt lead to pray for my future husband. He told me in November 2019 that I would meet my spouse the following January 2020, we would meet on Facebook and we would get married fast. I wrote this down in my journal and just knew it was a fact. I knew I would meet my husband the following January. Thanksgiving 2019, it felt like it would be the last thanksgiving I would have with my family in a while. I knew I would be moving from Maryland the following year and getting married. And I had so much peace with that.

2. Peace

When Jason and I got engaged, some people did not approve of our marriage. Rightfully so, we had only met in January and were getting engaged in June. I understood their hesitation, and even fear. But with Jason, we clicked on so many things like our desire to have children, our desire to live in Florida, we both shared the same Christian faith, and we both had similar financial goals. There were no red flags either. He is a genuine, kind, intelligent, hardworking man with a vision and goals for himself that I wanted to be apart of. He was my best friend, and I loved being with him. He pushed me to be better. I was confident he would take care of me, and our future children. I knew without a shadow of doubt he would never harm me. In spite of all the chaos in the world, as long as I was able to be with him, I would be okay.

3. Opposition

I knew my husband was the one because we had some chaos during our engagement. Don’t get me wrong, God works in decency and in order. Satan will often attack you before you reach your promised blessing. Look at the people of Israel, as they travelled to the promised land, the surrounding nations gathered together to fight against God’s people (Joshua 11:5). The people of Israel had to depend on the Lord to get through this. God is a god of love but he is also a god of war. He will fight for His people if you trust him. I had multiple instances of opposition from people in my life. Of course it sucked, but because I knew what God told me I used that opposition as further confirmation that Jason was the one. Although there will be opposition, you will still have peace knowing your spouse is “the one.”

“Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure,” Isaiah 46:10

God knows our end from our beginning. Like every area of your life, its so important to be led by God in your love life.

While God gives us free will, he also has a perfect will for our lives. I wanted God’s perfect will for me, so I invited him into my love life and had him lead me to my spouse. God surely can tell you when you’ll meet your spouse like He did for me, or even who He is. But He can show you in other ways too: if you meet a guy who’s mature, loves the Lord, respects you, works hard, and has goals for himself and his future you can get with then you’ll know he is the one. But if you see multiple red flags, don’t feel respected by him, he isn’t mature, you disagree on key things like family planning, children, financial or career goals, or family issues then maybe its a sign to take a step back. God is the ultimate matchmaker. Allow him to write your love story. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Monday Musings: In Defense of Marriage

Michelle, you sure do talk a lot about marriage! But there are so many people I know who get divorced, cheated on-the idea of marriage leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Why should I even think of getting married?

I’m so glad you asked!

In Defense of Marriage

According  to a report released last month by the Pew Research Center, found 25 percent of millennials are likely to never be married. A report released in 2013 by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Marriage and Family Research found that the U.S. marriage rate is 31.1, compared to the much higher  rate in 1920, at 92.3.

Many young folks my age are choosing to either put it off altogether, or opt for a cohabitation situation. But doing so causes those to miss out on the wonderful benefits of marriage!

Benefits of Marriage

1. Health Benefits

A huge survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or those who are divorced or widowed. Also, the longer the man stays married the longer he lives generally.

Another study found marriage, among other factors, was linked to a lower risk of mild cognitive impairment and dementia.

A large, long-running study called the General Social Survey found that married people reported the most overall happiness, second was the cohabitating group reporting somewhat less happiness, and singles who’ve never married or lived with someone being the least satisfied of all. Speaking of cohabitation, the same study found that cohabitation doesn’t deliver the same levels of happiness, trust and well-being that marriage brings.

Furthermore, those who consider their spouse or partner to be their best friend get about twice as much life satisfaction from marriage as other married people

2. Wealth Benefits

According to a report by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, married men are earning much more money, on average, than everyone else in America.

Married people can protect their wealth for their children. Under federal tax laws, you can leave any amount of money to a spouse without generating estate tax.

A married taxpayer without paid employment, however, may contribute to an IRA using joint income.

Married women work significantly less hours than single women, and save $1 million more in a lifetime compared to single women. By combining resources and splitting costs, married people have the edge on all kinds of day-to-day expenses like gas, food, rent, utilities, and car payments.

3. Future Kiddos

Marriage can provide stability for children. A researcher at the Pew Research Center found “children are more likely to thrive in stable families and [a] married family is overall more stable for children than a cohabiting family.”

“It’s not Good for man to Be Alone”

God spoke those words in the beginning, and He is still right today! This post isn’t to make anyone feel bad or anything, I wanted to state the facts. And while marriage has the potential to be amazing, I know there are many people in the world who don’t have an amazing marriage. My heart goes out to them. But for those considering marriage or for those who’ve written marriage off altogether. Please think again. Marriage can be the best relationship you have with another human being. Of course, being a human relationship, you can have your ups and downs, but there is nothing like having a spouse who can support you, push you to be better, and commit their lives to you.

Blessings,

M/M

P.S.

Check out these resources below for more info!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/267043/

https://www.bgsu.edu/news/2013/07/marriage-rate-lowest-in-a-century.html

https://www.google.com/amp/s/turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tips/marriage/7-tax-advantages-of-getting-married/amp/L1XlLCh0m

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.deseret.com/platform/amp/indepth/2019/11/6/20951878/cohabitation-vs-marriage-married-couples-living-together

Why Raspberry Tea is Your BFF During Your Period!

Like most women, I have had to endure the pain accompanied by that monthly friend-my period. For me, I experienced a lot of back pain, the usual cramps, and even upper leg and lower back pain. These symptoms afflicted me every month for years until I heard of a simple natural remedy that does wonders and kicks that pain to the curb! And that superhero-I mean, remedy-is Raspberry tea. 

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Why Raspberry Tea?? 

Raspberry Tea has long been used by natural doctors and midwives to assist in labor and delivery. So what does raspberry tea do, and why are they so important in getting rid of period pain? Well, a meta-analysis (a collection of studies) from 1941 to 2106 found that certain chemicals (flavonoids) work on the smooth muscles of the uterus. According to the Mayo Clinic, cramps occur during your period because the smooth muscles of the uterus is shedding its lining, leading to pain.  Drinking raspberry tea during and even before your period comes causes those contractions to cease. When I drink raspberry tea during my period, I experience the following symptoms:  

• NO back pain 
• NO leg pain 
• NO cramps 

My period literally comes and goes without wreaking any havoc. Sometimes it ends sooner than usual.

Raspberry leaf tea is filled with antioxidants which reduce oxidative stress In the body that can lead to diseases like cancer. Raspberry leaf tea also contain vitamins A, C, E,, and B vitamins which support the Immune system, prevent oxidative stress In the body that can lead to diseases like cancer. This tea also has calcium, magnesium, and potassium which are great for strong bones and teeth, and healthy digestion. I highly recommend organic raspberry tea. Why organic?  

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Why Organic Raspberry Tea? 

According to the US Department of Agriculture, organic food is defined as crops grown on farms that don’t use harmful pesticides, herbicides or fertilizer before harvesting, and the farms are free of any genetic modification, ionizing radiation or sewage sludge. In regular raspberry tea, the harmful process remain and reduce the amount of antioxidants naturally found in the tea. 

If you’re looking for some great brands to buy raspberry tea, try these! A lot of them are from Amazon. Which is great if you have Amazon Prime, and most of them come with huge amounts of tea to keep you stocked up for a couple of months! 

The Ancient Greek physician Hippocrates (of the Hippocrates oath fame), once said  “let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” God provides us the means to cure any ailment we have-Including pain during periods! Definitely speak to your doctor, and do your own research as well. So, if you experience heavy, horrible, painful periods consider raspberry tea! It may help you. 

Blessings,

M/M

The Sting of Rejection

I think of rejection a lot like getting stung by a snake. Rejection can hit you suddenly and without warning: kind of like walking in the woods, resting on a log, and randomly being bit by a snake. Some snakes are poisonous too. Like rejection, poison creeps into your body, invading your system, and can kill you if not treated. Of course no one physically can die of rejection, but the feelings of rejection can permeate your entire your life and effect every decision you make. Am I being too deep?

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Take for example a family member I have. This family member struggled with rejection his entire life starting with infancy. His mother attempted to abort him in the womb but did not succeed. From that moment on, he always struggled with feeling like an outcast. Even now, when spending time with this family member he is often very distant like he thinks he doesn’t belong. I used this example to explain that rejection happens to all of us in one way or another. And we all respond to it differently. But for some of us, rejection can change how we view the entire world.

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I have struggled with rejection. To be honest at times I feared rejection. I felt rejection as a child. I tended to be more to myself, and assume people would rather not be around me or be bothered with me. Regrettably, in the past, I have let the fear of rejection to hinder me from reaching for opportunities or even reaching out to people.

In the first paragraph, I compared rejection to poison, right? So how do you deal with poison? Three ways:

1. Acknowledge you’ve been bitten: You can’t make a change until you realize something is wrong. In my battle with fighting rejection, I have had to remind myself “Michelle you feel this way because this happened to you.” Knowledge is the first step in the journey. Also, going to a counselor or trusted confidante for help to talk through things that have happened in your past could definitely help as well.
2. Recognize your need for others to help: If you get hurt, you’ll often need the help of others to get better! When you recognize that there are people in your life who love and care about you, you wont feel the rejection any longer. And if you don’t have others in your life, push yourself to make friends and reach out to others.
3. Suck out the poison: When you get bit by a snake, the poison must be extracted. The poison in this case are those thoughts telling you: “no one wants to be around you,” “you’re boring,” “no one loves you,” “who would want to be your friend,” “who could love you,” “everyone leaves you.” My friend, these thoughts are POISON. Fight back at those dangerous thoughts and say out loud to yourself “No, I am worthy of love, I am a good person, there are people who love me.” I guarantee you, if you continue to speak these things to yourself, eventually you’ll start to believe them and the negative thoughts will go away.

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I asked my husband his thoughts on rejection. He said, “rejection is a good way to grow stronger.” I never saw rejection as a good thing. But in a way, rejection can be good. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” This is a promise. Every rejection you faced was for a purpose. Nothing is ever wasted. This life often brings pain. That pain can often come in the form of rejection. But, with pain comes healing. And when you get stronger, you get the strength you need to keep moving forward. Let rejection strengthen you today to be a better you! So you can help others who have suffered the sting of rejection.

Blessings,

M/M