Tag Archives: spouses

Marriage Gym: Is Work Getting in the Way of Intimacy?

We all have to work, right? I mean we gotta work to survive and thrive. Some of us have jobs that we really love, and some of us have jobs (or school) that can be pretty demanding. There is nothing wrong with having a job that you love and are passionate about. But there is always a danger of work getting in the way of intimacy with your partner.

I’ve experienced this with my husband. He loves his job in insurance, but he is in a season where he works 12-13 hour days. His work schedule can be pretty hard because we’re not spending as much time together than we usually do. So we have had to work a little harder to promote intimacy with each other. Here are a few things we’ve done to encourage intamcy and continue to strengthen our marriage.

1. Communicate Your Love

Like the late songbird Whitney Houston sang, “how do I know that he really loves me?” You won’t know unless your told! My husband and I need reassurance that we still love and are attracted to each other. You can do this by leaving little notes for your partner to see: write a love message on a sticky note, or text them a sweet message, or surprise them with a small gift or card. A little goes a long way. Leave no room for speculation or doubt by telling your partner directly you love them.

2. Carve Out Time for Each Other

I know there can be times where it feels like we literally have no time to even breathe or eat, but its important to make time for the ones we love. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Even if its just an hour or two to share a cup of coffee together in the morning, or a saturday night to watch a movie together, or do something new together. Make the time. There’s an old saying that goes like this: love is spelled: T-I-M-E.

3. Cuddle More

Studies show cuddling is a great way to deepen love between spouses. Cuddling (hugging as well) releases the brain hormone oxytocin. This hormone makes you feel a connection with your spouse and deepens intimacy. Dr. Katherine Harmon studies the power of touch and found that cuddling also is shown to reduce anxiety and stress by increasing brain hormones like oxcytocin and dopamine (which makes you feel good) and lowers cortisol (a stress hormone)which could give you a better sleep. So if youre feeling especially disconnected from your spouse, get your cuddle (or hugging) on! Cuddle your spouse in the evenings and mornings before you start your day.

Intimacy is so important in marriage. When we’re married and just living our lives, its easy to get comfortable with our spouses and feel like we dont have to work too hard to woo our spouse anymore. Dont fall for that trap! Work to continue to woo your spouse and love on your spouse. But, intimacy is important outside of marriage too: if you have a boyfriend or friend or family member you’re not spending as much time with, find time to reach out or spend time with them whenever possible.

Blessings,

M/M