Marriage Mondays: Encouraging Respect for Your Husband

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This valentines day, show love to your husband or boyfriend in the way he’ll appreciate most. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his bestselling book “Love and Respect,” women desire to be loved, while men (also desire to be loved obviously) but they desire respect more so.

So, lets discuss some encouraging respect for your husband by showing them we respect them.

What is His Love Language?

First, it’s important to know what his love language is. According to Gary Chapman, bestselling author of “The 5 Love Languages” there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Does your husband seem to enjoy gifts? Give your gift with an encouraging love note (we’ll get to said words later). Or does he get excited when you spend time with him? Speak some encouraging words to him when you’re alone with him.

Knowing your husband’s love language is a special touch to add when encouraging respect for your husband. But, as I mentioned above, its important to know what encouraging words for your husband, which leads to the next point.

What do You Tell Him?

Decide what you will say. Don’t write a cookie-cutter, fortune cookie message. Be specific about what you admire or respect about him. According to Dr. Eggerichs, men desire to be admired and respected.

Think up some reasons why you admire him. If you’re having some trouble thinking of things, go back to when you were engaged: what did you admire about him? What drew you to him?

Some ideas:

This is why I respect you….

I respect you because…

I’m so glad you chose me to be your wife

I’m proud to be your wife because…

I believe in you.

You’re the strongest (and/or sexiest) man I know

You’re such a great protector

You’re such a hard worker because…

I appreciate how hard you work every day for our family

You’re the most hardworking man I know because…

Say these things or make little notes for him to find (lunchbox, work desk, etc). But why are these notes based on respect or admiration? Well, most men desire respect more than love. Not to say they don’t want love, but most men want respect more.

After surveying hundreds of men, Shaunti Feldhahn author of “For Women Only” found that 74% of men said they would rather feel unloved than disrespected. Respect is a big deal for men. If you want to show your man how much you adore him, show him some respect.

Conclusion

Men endure a lot-as the leaders of the home they carry a heavy burden. It’s important to uplift and encourage the men we love in our lives. Not just our husbands, but also our brothers, and fathers or father-figures. On a side note, another way to show respect for your husband is to show submission to him. You can read more about submission in my article “what does submission mean in marriage” here.

I love gassing up my husband. No one should be better at gassing up my man than me. Surely there will be others who will encourage him-whether at work or elsewhere. So, make sure it’s you, his leading lady, who is giving him the utmost encouragement and respect he craves!

Blessings,

M/M

P.S.

Check out the aforementioned books below to revamp and grow your marriage!

Monday Musings: Five Lessons from a Wife Whose Parents are Divorced

***I may or may not receive compensation from the affiliate link below. Thanks for your support!***

Divorce sucks. When it happens, it affects everyone-not just the husband and wife. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and the experience hurt. But I learned a lot examining my parents marriage-the highs, the lows and its eventual end taught me a lot of lessons that I draw upon now as a wife. Hopefully these lessons help you too.

1. Communicate as Much as You Can

As an introvert, I struggle sometimes with communicating with my spouse. I find it easier to withhold my thoughts and feelings and retreat into the safety of my mind. But I learned its better for the relationship to talk about any concerns or thoughts you have. Because your spouse wont know how you’re feeling until you tell them. Satan comes to destroy your marriage. He hates unity. He will speak lies to you about your spouse and continue to tell them until you believe it.

Satan: “He doesn’t think you look good in that outfit. In fact he thinks you’re ugly and wishes he was with his ex.”

Wife: “Does he still think about his ex? Does he think I’m ugly?”

By communicating, you put a stop to these lies and get the truth from your spouse yourself instead of assuming. Don’t be afraid to be real with your spouse. Ask him directly, “do you think I’m beautiful?” And don’t be afraid to talk back to those lying thoughts.

Wife: “that’s not true! My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world!”

Speaking of beauty, I’ve noticed insecurities can lead to assumptions. Which can also lead to arguments. Leading to my next point.

2. Assume the Best, Not the Worst

This one can be tricky because if you’re offended, its easy to assume your husband intentionally tried to hurt you. Especially if the offense is rooted in an insecurity. Insecurities are like healing scars: if you poke or pick at it, it’ll sting. If our spouse unintentionally (or intentionally) pokes at your insecurity, it can hurt a lot. The best thing to do is to first communicate with your spouse and tell them you were hurt by them. Try your best not to attack or assume they intentionally tried to hurt you. I’ve learned the best thing to do with insecurities is recognize them, and grow from it. Assuming things about your spouse can be perceived as disrespectful. You never want to disrespect your spouse.

3. Unconditional Respect

We’ve all heard of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect? I’ve learned that respect and love are equally important in marriage. Even the apostle Paul talks about the importance of respect as being as important as love in marriage. He commands the husband in Ephesians 5:25-33 to “love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for it…let everyone of you love his wife even as himself.”

But he also adds in verse 33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” As wives, we are to respect our husbands. Yes, our husbands should respect us too, but Paul specifically commands wives to respect their husbands. Why would he say this? I believe its because he knew respect is as important to men as love is to women and there would be times where we don’t want to respect our husbands. I’ve learned that respect is something that, when lacking, can cause lasting damage in a marriage. It can cause spouses to be embittered by one another. If a person doesn’t feel respected, they will find respect elsewhere.

Respect, like love, is a basic marital need. There will be times when I don’t feel my husband deserves respect, but I give it because in marriage, respect isn’t earned its required. More on this love and respect principle can be viewed in this awesome book: “Love and Respect: the love she most desires and respect he desperately needs” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which I’ve linked below.

Love and respect in marriage helps maintain unity in marriage like a glue. Glue is a perfect Segway to my next lesson, which is:

4. Keep the Unity

Unity is so important in marriage. I don’t just mean staying together forever. I also mean unity in goals for your lives. Before we got married, we spoke about life goals together and ensured we agreed on things like: children, pets, home ownership, debt, career goals, etc. We had to make sure we were both on the same page, or else we would not be unified on these topics. Jumping back on that respect point, I make sure never to disrespect or talk bad about my spouse to others including family. Because that will bring division. Speaking of family, family can be a cause of division in marriage. I spoke on this in a previous post called I married you, not your family

https://themustardseedwife.com/2021/09/17/i-married-you-not-your-family/

It’s important to set up appropriate boundaries with family members, and ensure the family knows your spouse is to be respected as another member of the family. An important  member of the marriage should be: Jesus.

5. Keep God in the Center

Keeping God in the center of your marriage will do wonders for your marriage and even before your marriage. Ask yourselves: Does God want us to be together in the first place?  Plead the blood of Jesus over your marriage daily. Pray for and with each other. Go to church together.

Make sure your heart is right with the Lord so you can love and serve your spouse the way you should. If you include God in your marriage, you will never be disappointed. Finally, the last one which is:

6. Divorce is Never an Option

Jason and I do as much as we can to ensure divorce is never an option for us. By not only implementing the lessons above, but also loving on each other, serving each other, keeping ourselves at our best so we maintain attraction for each other, and keeping our marriage first (after God). Of course, I understand there are instances where divorce should definitely happen, and God is able to make every broken situation into a beautiful one. I want to make sure I do everything I can to ensure its never an option.

Conclusion

Reiterating what I said above: I think divorce sucks. Divorce is like a bomb. Once its dropped it damages everything in its path: the children, the spouses, your finances, your home. So I want to do everything in my power to ensure divorce is not an option for myself and my husband.

Blessings,

M/M