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It can be hard to wait to have sex before marriage. Especially when you face a daily bombardment  with of sex on tv shows, movies, music, music videos and books. Begging the question: should you consider no sex before marriage? Yes: let me tell you why. 

*This post is by no means to shame anyone who has not or chosen not to abstain from sex before marriage. On the contrary, I want to share some amazing benefits of abstaining from sex before marriage!* 

Stronger and Better Relationship

One benefit of not having sex before marriage is it strengthens your relationship. A 2010 study including 2,035 married participants who completed a questionnaire about their relationships revealed some insights into abstinence and marital benefits.

The researchers found, “couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had relationship stability rated 22 percent higher, and relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher.”

Dean Busby the lead researcher further elaborated, “There’s more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship.”

There is more to a relationship than sex: compatibility, life goals, morals, and values. Abstaining from sex allows you to learn other things about your spouse other than their anatomy. Which leads to my next point.

Strengthen Communication Skills

When you’re focused on other things other than sex you can learn a lot about your partner! What they like and dislike, and if you two are truly compatible or not. Which is another benefit of not having sex before marriage.

The study mentioned above revealed that couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had 12% better communication. If you need a few conversation starters for you and your partner, check out my blog post here!

Learn Self-Discipline

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Thessalonians 4: 3  

Another benefit of not having sex before marriage is you learn self-discipline. An area I’m growing in. If you’re wanting to be more disciplined, no other way than to practice abstinence. Self-discipline is especially important in marriage.

There will be times when you have to exercise self-discipline by holding your tongue and not lashing out against your spouse, or by holding your wallet and not spending a load of money on Shein.com when you’re on a budget (as in my case!).

Better Sex

One pretty important benefit of not having sex before marriage is once you get married, the sex can be better compared to couples’ sex lives who didn’t wait.

The aforementioned study found that compared to couples who didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better.

It makes sense. When you don’t have anyone else to compare your sexual experiences with, your sexual relationship with your spouse can grow unhindered. 

Bonus-God Warns Against Premarital Sex

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4 

If you’re a Christian, you know that the bible warns against premarital sex. God doesn’t say this to hurt us, or because He doesn’t want us to have fun. It’s because He cares for us and wants to protect us.  

I once heard a pastor describe sex as a fire: when in a controlled environment like a fireplace with a gate, it can be enjoyed for warmth and for making s’mores!

But when in an uncontrolled environment, fire can cause great harm: burning everything in its wake. In the confines of a committed marriage, sex can bring a lot of benefits. But outside of the confines of marriage, there is risk. Its up to you to decide if the risks outweigh the benefits.

Blessings,

M/M

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

It can be hard to wait to have sex before marriage. Especially when you face a daily bombardment  with of sex on tv shows, movies, music, music videos and books. Begging the question: should you consider no sex before marriage? Yes: let me tell you why. 

*This post is by no means to shame anyone who has not or chosen not to abstain from sex before marriage. On the contrary, I want to share some amazing benefits of abstaining from sex before marriage!* 

Stronger and Better Relationship

One benefit of not having sex before marriage is it strengthens your relationship. A 2010 study including 2,035 married participants who completed a questionnaire about their relationships revealed some insights into abstinence and marital benefits.

The researchers found, “couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had relationship stability rated 22 percent higher, and relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher.”

Dean Busby the lead researcher further elaborated, “There’s more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship.”

There is more to a relationship than sex: compatibility, life goals, morals, and values. Abstaining from sex allows you to learn other things about your spouse other than their anatomy. Which leads to my next point.

Strengthen Communication Skills

When you’re focused on other things other than sex you can learn a lot about your partner! What they like and dislike, and if you two are truly compatible or not. Which is another benefit of not having sex before marriage.

The study mentioned above revealed that couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had 12% better communication. If you need a few conversation starters for you and your partner, check out my blog post here!

Learn Self-Discipline

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Thessalonians 4: 3  

Another benefit of not having sex before marriage is you learn self-discipline. An area I’m growing in. If you’re wanting to be more disciplined, no other way than to practice abstinence. Self-discipline is especially important in marriage.

There will be times when you have to exercise self-discipline by holding your tongue and not lashing out against your spouse, or by holding your wallet and not spending a load of money on Shein.com when you’re on a budget (as in my case!).

Better Sex

One pretty important benefit of not having sex before marriage is once you get married, the sex can be better compared to couples’ sex lives who didn’t wait.

The aforementioned study found that compared to couples who didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better.

It makes sense. When you don’t have anyone else to compare your sexual experiences with, your sexual relationship with your spouse can grow unhindered. 

Bonus-God Warns Against Premarital Sex

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4 

If you’re a Christian, you know that the bible warns against premarital sex. God doesn’t say this to hurt us, or because He doesn’t want us to have fun. It’s because He cares for us and wants to protect us.  

I once heard a pastor describe sex as a fire: when in a controlled environment like a fireplace with a gate, it can be enjoyed for warmth and for making s’mores!

But when in an uncontrolled environment, fire can cause great harm: burning everything in its wake. In the confines of a committed marriage, sex can bring a lot of benefits. But outside of the confines of marriage, there is risk. Its up to you to decide if the risks outweigh the benefits.

Blessings,

M/M

Want to Find Love in 2022? Look no Further!

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Are you looking for love this year? Many people want to find love but don’t know how to find that special someone. Look no further than the five easy points below!

Be Friendly

This one is pretty simple but often overlooked! Proverbs 18: 24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.”

If you want to find love, you’ll want to be friendly. Simple enough, right? Often, before people get into a relationship or get married, they will be friends first. Or the couple will have met through mutual friends. This was the case for my spouse and I.

I talk more about this in my Youtube video about Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds who also were friends before getting married. Check that out here!

Research also supports this. A recent study including 1,900 adults found that “for 68% of them, their current or most recent relationship began as a friendship.” Having friends is important for healthy lives. But keep in mind that your current (or even past) friendships could be how you find love. More on being friendly later.

Be Open

If you want to find love, it’s important to be open to finding love anywhere. If you’re a Christian, you will involve God in your love life. He may lead you to go on a dating app (or get off a dating app).

Proverbs 3:5-6 says to “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Be open to find love in at work, or on social media, or even on a dating website! You can find love anywhere. If you have completely written off some of these things, maybe give them another shot?

Also, be open about what you are looking for which leads to my next point.

Be Honest

Be honest about who you are and what you want. Ask yourself hard questions. Such as:

What type of person is best for you? Are you allowing people into your life who will challenge you to be better? Are you allowing people into your life who will encourage, love, and support you?

Or are you allowing people who are not the best for you? Have there been red flags you’ve ignored because you don’t want to be alone?

Are you looking for a relationship because you want to fill a void in your life? Do you need to get some healing before your next relationship? Not only that, but be sure of what you need-the type of person you need in your life.

I’ve asked myself some of these questions. These are just some questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship.

Be-autiful

This next point is a little controversial but here me out! You should be the best version of yourself. Here is an important point to remember:

People cannot read minds.

Okay?

Thus, how you present yourself to others matters. People will judge you based on how you look. I’m not saying you have to look like the blonde, thin models on magazines because we’re not all built that way. I am saying to be the healthiest version of yourself and present yourself in a way that demonstrates your character and beauty.

Need style advice? Check out outfits and looks on Pinterest!

Not only that, but watch your body language. most experts agree that 70 to 93 percent of all communication is nonverbal. Going back to my point on being friendly, if you’re trying to find love don’t look unfriendly.

Important body language cues to remember:

Smile, keep your stance open, try to keep your arms unfolded, feet pointed towards the person, and maintain eye contact when communicating with people to show interest and friendliness. Don’t be super desperate but keep this in mind when you’re talking to people in general.

Be Spirit-Led

Finally, if you want to find love be spirit-led. I talked about this extensively in my post how I met the one which you can read here.

Like I noted above, Proverbs 3:5-6 says to “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

God wants the best for us. When you allow the One who knows your end from your beginning (Isaiah 46: 10), you will not be disappointed. I am a testament of that.

Conclusion

In a time where the world is more connected than ever, it seems to be difficult to find the one. Maybe because there are so many options available? If you are trying to find love, I’m here to encourage you that it’s never too late. Utilize these points above to help in your search!

Blessings,

Michelle

5 Ways to Have a Relationship With God

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Many of us want a stronger relationship with God. It often seems like God is so far away from us, but He is not. How do we do that then? How do you have a relationship with God? 

Spend Quality Time with Him 

Prayer, bible study and fasting are great ways to know more about God, and to destroy your own sinful desires. But also spending the day talking to Him helps you grow in your relationship with God. The Bible teaches us to “pray without ceasing,” (1 Thessalonians 5: 17). Just like you text your friends or family members when something happens, talk to God about it too. 

Watch movies or read books with Him! Include God in what you’re doing and spend quality time with Him. Make sure you take the time to listen, too. Sometimes we treat God as our therapist and just blab on and on about everything when God is waiting to get a word in. I’m guilty of this!

Give him that space to talk too. Prayer should be a conversation not a soliloquy. When you spend time in prayer daily, (mornings are best in my opinion) you start to recognize His still, small voice.  

Obey

Jesus taught in John 14:21, “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me.”  And also in 1 Samuel 15:22, “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” 

I heard a YouTube once says that Obedience is God’s love language-I believe that. When you obey God you’re acting in faith that you believe He is God, that what He says is true. Abraham was called a friend of God because He trusted God, obeyed God by faith, even to the point of almost sacrificing his own son (Genesis 22:1-19)! So, if you want to have a stronger relationship with God, obey what He says. 

When you get closer to him, eventually He will tell you to do things that you won’t want to do. Do it! When you obey, your confidence and faith in God will grow too.  

Tune Out the Noise 

There is so much noise in our society. So many voices and opinions. Making it hard to tune into what God is saying to us. Learn to cut out the noise: cut out voices that don’t glorify God or His ways. This includes movies, tv shows, social media, Youtube, music, books. Back in the Bible days, it was easier to grow close to God because they didn’t have the distraction of movies, Instagram, Youtube or music. 

King David said, “I will set no evil thing before my face (Psalm 101: 3).” The Apostle Paul said, “All things are lawful [that is, morally legitimate, permissible], but not all things are beneficial or advantageous. All things are lawful, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life] (1 Corinthians 10:23).” 

Do you struggle with envy but love  scrolling through for hours on end? Maybe take a break from Instagram for some time. Make sure you’re feeding yourself with things that glorify God more than things that do not glorify God. Know where your struggle areas are. Be attentive to what comes into your ear gate and eye gate. The eyes are the windows of the soul. What you watch, listen to, and read does affect you and how you view God.  

“Be ye Holy as I am Holy” (1 Peter 1:16

Being Holy means to be set apart. As Christians, we are in the world, but we are not of the world (John 17: 16). God called the people of Israel to be a light to the world (Isaiah 49: 6). When they got to the promised land, He told them to utterly destroy the surrounding nations who served other Gods.  

This was because God knew if they were around things and people who didn’t serve Him, His people would do the same. And they did. Eventually the people of Israel became so depraved, they worshipped the Gods of the surrounding nations and became just like them. We have to be careful not to be like the people of Israel. We have to rid our lives of things that can destroy our relationship with God. We are called to be Holy as He is holy.  

When we are filled with His spirit (Joel 2: 28=29, Acts 2: 38, Acts 10: 44-46) His spirit will help us to live holy. He will convict us if we are watching, or listening to things, or reading things that will hinder our relationship with Him. Don’t grieve the spirit by doing things He doesn’t like.

When you carry the spirit of the living and Holy God in you, He doesn’t want to be in places that are not Holy. And He doesn’t want to you to take in things that are unholy. Think about that. So when you’re filled with His spirit, you will feel uncomfortable because you have His spirit in you.  

Are There Any Other Idols in your Life? 

The final way to get closer to God is to get rid of any other idols in your life. God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14). He desires, and deserves complete and total devotion. Most people nowadays don’t worship idols from the bible days. But we all can idolize something without erecting an idol.  

Jesus says in Matthew 6: 21, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Where are you putting your money? What do you worship? Do you worship your job? What about an entertainer or a sport? Is getting married your highest goal in life? Do you worship yourself?

God wants to be the only God in your life, He commanded don’t have any other gods before me. What gods are in your life? You’ll know based on how much time you spend on it, and /or how much money you give the idol. 

“To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.” St. Augustine 

Having a relationship with God, like any relationship takes work and dedication. But also sacrifice. You have to be willing to obey God, and to surrender your life to God. But it is so worth it. No one else loves like God loves. When you fall in love with God, you learn so much about yourself and grow in so many ways.  

Blessings,

M/M

Bible Verses About Relationships-Finding the One

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The Bible provides us with a plethora of knowledge we can use for our daily lives Including our relationships. In this post, I’ll provide you with multiple bible verses to study for every aspect of your relationship from finding the guy/girl to engagement! So, let’s get into bible verses about relationships and finding the one to know and study! 

Finding The One!

The following bible verses about relationships are about the pursuit and dating. Dating should be intentional with the goal of marriage. Use the dating period to learn more about the person: their goals, relationship with God, thoughts on marriage and family, and more! Check out my post on ultimate list of questions to ask before marriage here.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18: 22 

You’re going to notice a pattern here: Notice the verse says He who finds a wife. Not she who finds a husband. Men are designed for pursuit so let him pursue you. The woman is meant to be the good thing for her husband. Consider for yourself, are you that good thing? 

“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” Genesis 2: 22 

Ladies, you don’t have to chase after any guy. The Lord will prepare you for the right guy then bring you to him.  

“Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master…Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful.” Genesis 24: 12-23 

This relates to my post how I knew my husband was the one. The Lord can absolutely lead you to who your spouse is. Pray like Abraham’s servant-pray specifically. Then walk by faith that the Lord will answer you. But when the Lord brings your spouse, wait and see if this truly is from the Lord.  

Trusting God When Finding the One

It’s so important to trust God when dating because God knows everything about us. He knows what we will do and who we will eventually marry. He has a perfect will for us. Check out these bible verses for trusting God when single and dating.

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29: 11 

Relating to the above verse, God knows everything about us, including our future. Of purse He will know who we marry. So trust Him with that decision.  

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”  Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ 

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 8:4  

Wait for the right time. Do you think you need to stay single for a little bit to grow closer to God, or get to a better place financially? Timing is everything, especially with marriage.  

“Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6: 25, 33 

Pursue God daily. Make sure you are doing His will everyday, and try to live your best life for Him. Grow in your struggle areas. When you stop worrying about finding the one, God will bring Him to you. This is so true for me! When I stopped worrying about finding the one, and focusing all my attention on growing closer to God, I met my husband!  

Are They the One?

When dating someone, use these bible verses to determine if they are the one based on their character. Are they a Christian? Are they kind and patient? Check out the verses below for help with these questions!

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 

This is very important. You wanna be on the same page with your partner in regard to life goals, children, and your faith. It is better to be with someone with the same faith as you. I know people who are with people who aren’t Christian and it can be a struggle for them. Of course God can save anyone, but allow Him to do that work. Missionary dating can be a struggle-so why do it?  

“You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” Matthew 7: 16-17 

Is this person a good person? Do they display the fruits of the spirit: love, kindness, meekness, patience? Ask their friends and family what type of person they are-how do they react when angry, when they don’t get their way, or when disappointed or dissatisfied? Every man reveals himself, eventually. 

Conclusion

Study these bible verses about relationships when you are struggling with trusting God while you’re single and looking for the one. God can lead you in everything. He wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives. Trust Him, and obey Him. He won’t let you down 

Blessings,

M/M

Marriage Mondays: Encouraging Respect for Your Husband

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This valentines day, show love to your husband or boyfriend in the way he’ll appreciate most. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his bestselling book “Love and Respect,” women desire to be loved, while men (also desire to be loved obviously) but they desire respect more so.

So, lets discuss some encouraging respect for your husband by showing them we respect them.

What is His Love Language?

First, it’s important to know what his love language is. According to Gary Chapman, bestselling author of “The 5 Love Languages” there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Does your husband seem to enjoy gifts? Give your gift with an encouraging love note (we’ll get to said words later). Or does he get excited when you spend time with him? Speak some encouraging words to him when you’re alone with him.

Knowing your husband’s love language is a special touch to add when encouraging respect for your husband. But, as I mentioned above, its important to know what encouraging words for your husband, which leads to the next point.

What do You Tell Him?

Decide what you will say. Don’t write a cookie-cutter, fortune cookie message. Be specific about what you admire or respect about him. According to Dr. Eggerichs, men desire to be admired and respected.

Think up some reasons why you admire him. If you’re having some trouble thinking of things, go back to when you were engaged: what did you admire about him? What drew you to him?

Some ideas:

This is why I respect you….

I respect you because…

I’m so glad you chose me to be your wife

I’m proud to be your wife because…

I believe in you.

You’re the strongest (and/or sexiest) man I know

You’re such a great protector

You’re such a hard worker because…

I appreciate how hard you work every day for our family

You’re the most hardworking man I know because…

Say these things or make little notes for him to find (lunchbox, work desk, etc). But why are these notes based on respect or admiration? Well, most men desire respect more than love. Not to say they don’t want love, but most men want respect more.

After surveying hundreds of men, Shaunti Feldhahn author of “For Women Only” found that 74% of men said they would rather feel unloved than disrespected. Respect is a big deal for men. If you want to show your man how much you adore him, show him some respect.

Conclusion

Men endure a lot-as the leaders of the home they carry a heavy burden. It’s important to uplift and encourage the men we love in our lives. Not just our husbands, but also our brothers, and fathers or father-figures. On a side note, another way to show respect for your husband is to show submission to him. You can read more about submission in my article “what does submission mean in marriage” here.

I love gassing up my husband. No one should be better at gassing up my man than me. Surely there will be others who will encourage him-whether at work or elsewhere. So, make sure it’s you, his leading lady, who is giving him the utmost encouragement and respect he craves!

Blessings,

M/M

P.S.

Check out the aforementioned books below to revamp and grow your marriage!

How Satan Plans to Destroy Your Marriage Through Your Mind

The Bible tells us in John 10:10 that Satan comes to steal , kill, and destroy. He doesnt just want to destroy your life, he also wants to destroy your marriage.

Why?

Everything good that God creates, Satan hates. He wants to twist it, and make it evil. Not only that, but he hates unity, and will di anything to divide your marriage. Don’t let him do that to your marriage!

Satan is very crafty, and cunning. He won’t attack you right in the open so you know its him. He will be stealthy. The Bible warns us to be aware of Satan’s tricks unless he’ll trip us up. And he will often use us as the enemy to drive us away from our spouses.

What are some of Satan’s tricks to destroy your marriage? Let’s see.

He’ll Attack Your Thoughts

I once heard a pastor teach how Satan attacks your thinking. He said Satan will speak thoughts into your head in a way that sounds like its you thinking those things.

Thoughts like,

“My husband is an idiot.”

“He doesn’t think I’m pretty.”

Of course, these thoughts could be from you or from Satan. Either way, talk back to yourself-“my husband is not an idiot.” Or ask your husband, “do you think I’m pretty?” To get the reassurance you need.

The Bible calls us to take control over our unruly thoughts in 2 Corinthians 10:5,

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

Satan dwells in the shadows. Expose his little lies by simply going to your partner and seeking the truth yourself. He’s riding on you dwelling on these thoughts for hours and days, and eventually believing them to be true.

Which is why the Bible also commands us to only think on good, positive things in Philippians 4:8,

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Again, its so important to be watching what you think. Watching your thoughts will also reveal what demonic spirit could be trying to influence you.

Watch Your Thoughts

Demons can identify themselves by the thoughts you hear in your mind. You can tell the thoughts are not your own usually if they are something you’ve never thoguht before, something way out of left field, or dramatic.

Such as:

-constant angry thoughts could be a sign of a spirit of anger

-sinful thoughts

-thoughts of harm

If you notice any of these thoughts pop into your head, rebuke them and speak Philippians 4:8 mentioned above. It’s important to not consider these thoughts for a moment, and to rebuke them.

Also, sometimes evil thoughts can be from us since we are inherently sinful. But sometimes spirits do come and try to influence us. If you entertain them you will have a problem. And if you give them a way in through what you watch or listen to, that’s another problem.

Be Careful What You Watch

Certain tv shows, music, and movies can open up a door way for Satan to come in. Such as?

-Movies or shows that invoke spirit of fear like horror movies

-Porn or other sexually explicit entertainment

Horror movies because God doesn’t call us to a spirit of fear as 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us,

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Porn because the Bible warns us to run from sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 6:18. “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

“But its just a movie.”

“it’s Just a show!”

You might be lamenting. What you watch and listen to can affect how you think about yourself and others.

Why do I think my husband is a bozo after watching Real Housewives of Atlanta all week (just an example, I hate reality tv)? Or why do I think my husband could be cheating on me after watching Tyler Perry’s Temptation?

That’s why King David wisely said in Psalms 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.”

The things we watch, and listen to can have an effect on us and be an opening for Satan to destroy our marriages through our minds.

Conclusion

All wisdom comes from God. If youre unsure about a tv show, movie, someone in your life, or even going somewhere, ask the Lord for wisdom. Does he want you to continue watching or listening to that?

Before you leave the house every day Put on the whole armor of God daily (Ephesians 6:11-18). Ask the Lord to give you discernment to know what is good and what is evil.

God wants us to have happy marriages. Don’t let little thoughts these sink root in your mind and cause an argument, or a root of bitterness in yourself and your marriage. Expose these lies for what they are and live free!

Blessings,

M/M

Marriage Gym: Is Work Getting in the Way of Intimacy?

We all have to work, right? I mean we gotta work to survive and thrive. Some of us have jobs that we really love, and some of us have jobs (or school) that can be pretty demanding. There is nothing wrong with having a job that you love and are passionate about. But there is always a danger of work getting in the way of intimacy with your partner.

I’ve experienced this with my husband. He loves his job in insurance, but he is in a season where he works 12-13 hour days. His work schedule can be pretty hard because we’re not spending as much time together than we usually do. So we have had to work a little harder to promote intimacy with each other. Here are a few things we’ve done to encourage intamcy and continue to strengthen our marriage.

1. Communicate Your Love

Like the late songbird Whitney Houston sang, “how do I know that he really loves me?” You won’t know unless your told! My husband and I need reassurance that we still love and are attracted to each other. You can do this by leaving little notes for your partner to see: write a love message on a sticky note, or text them a sweet message, or surprise them with a small gift or card. A little goes a long way. Leave no room for speculation or doubt by telling your partner directly you love them.

2. Carve Out Time for Each Other

I know there can be times where it feels like we literally have no time to even breathe or eat, but its important to make time for the ones we love. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Even if its just an hour or two to share a cup of coffee together in the morning, or a saturday night to watch a movie together, or do something new together. Make the time. There’s an old saying that goes like this: love is spelled: T-I-M-E.

3. Cuddle More

Studies show cuddling is a great way to deepen love between spouses. Cuddling (hugging as well) releases the brain hormone oxytocin. This hormone makes you feel a connection with your spouse and deepens intimacy. Dr. Katherine Harmon studies the power of touch and found that cuddling also is shown to reduce anxiety and stress by increasing brain hormones like oxcytocin and dopamine (which makes you feel good) and lowers cortisol (a stress hormone)which could give you a better sleep. So if youre feeling especially disconnected from your spouse, get your cuddle (or hugging) on! Cuddle your spouse in the evenings and mornings before you start your day.

Intimacy is so important in marriage. When we’re married and just living our lives, its easy to get comfortable with our spouses and feel like we dont have to work too hard to woo our spouse anymore. Dont fall for that trap! Work to continue to woo your spouse and love on your spouse. But, intimacy is important outside of marriage too: if you have a boyfriend or friend or family member you’re not spending as much time with, find time to reach out or spend time with them whenever possible.

Blessings,

M/M

How to be Saved: 3 Steps From the Bible

If you haven’t noticed, our world is crazy. If you don’t believe me, go take a look at the news and you’ll find: murder, depression, lawlessness, and all forms of evil in the world today. It’s easy to get depressed, or anxious, or hopeless, unnoticed, or unloved. We all are looking for something. I can tell you that when you get saved, you’ll find that Jesus is the answer to all of your questions. Let’s discover how to be saved according to the Bible.

Salvation: a 3 Step Process

Salvation is a three step process according to the Bible: Know you need a savior, Repent, Believe in Jesus, Get Baptised in water and Spirit. But don’t let those steps hinder you and make you think salvation is this long, arduous process. It is not. Each step is meant to strengthen yourself, affirm your salvation, and strengthen your relationship with Jesus.

1. Know You Need a Savior

Romans 3:23 says all men have sinned (meaning done wrong). According to God’s righteous standard, all of us have messed up in some way. All of us have done something were not supposed to because its in our nature as people. None of us came out the womb perfect. So we all need forgiveness from the bad things we’ve done. And that comes by repentance.

2. Repent

Since all of us have sinned, we all need to repent to God for our sins.

Acts 3:19 says, “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.” If you ask the Lord for forgiveness and recognize you need a savior then you are forgiven. Now it takes faith to do this: to believe in Jesus and to believe He’s forgiven you takes faith.

We’re saved by faith according to Ephesians 2:8,

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.”

But you cant stop there though. You cant just say these things without backing it up with some action, too. The Bible says by faith we’re saved, but faith without works is dead. So we have to demonstrate our faith by action: baptism.

3. Baptism (in the water and the Spirit)

Some of Jesus’ last words with his disciples was for them to “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19).”

Baptism is super important: and the disciples took it seriously. They baptised people specifically in Jesus’ name:

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” Acts 2:38

“And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.” Acts 22:16

Notice Paul says once youre baptised you will recive the gift of the Holy Ghost. This is the final step to salvation.

Jesus instructed the curious Nicodemous that to be saved you must be baptised in the water and spirit. He actually urged Nicodemus saying in John 3:5, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit.”

Receiving the gift of the Holy spirt was so important for salvation it was stressed by the apostles. So how do you receive it? Simple: keep asking until you get it.

Paul mentions this in Acts 19: 2, 6,

“Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?” he asked them. “No,” they replied, “we haven’t even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.” And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.”

Conclusion

When you have salvation, you not only have the peace of God, but also purpose, a history, a family, and a loving Father who takes care of you. I have all of this and more.

We all need purpose. We all need love. Love is a basic human need. The Bible says God loved us before we even knew Him. 

Blessings and Love,

M/M

The Ultimate List of Questions to Ask Before You Get Married!

At the Mustard Seed Wife, marriage is a key topic of discussion here. I’ve been married for a little over a year now, and before I got married there were many things my now husband and I discussed that prepared us for marriage. These questions asked were invaluable in our now marriage. Discussing these things not only prepared us for our future together, but they also helped us better understand each other.

Where are We at Financially??

This is an extremely open-ended question that can be answered many ways. Here are some more questions in the realm of finances:

·        How much is your total debt (i.e. credit cards, car loan, personal loans, student loans, etc)?

·        What is your current job and what job do you want to have in the near future (and will it require further schooling?)

·       How much do you save? 

·       How do you budget your paycheck? 

·       Do you have a future savings plan (i.e. 401k, life insurance)?

·       Where are we gonna stay after we get married?

·       How much will we both be making together in marriage?

Finances are a HUGE aspect of marriage. It’s so important to talk about this as money problems are one of the top reasons for divorce according to clinical psychologist Elizabeth Cohen. You don’t want to have financial disagreements in marriage. Disagreements are bound to happen, but how you handle them is what matters most; which leads to the next question.

How do We Handle Conflict and Disagreements?

Since none of us are the same, we are bound to disagree on something. With disagreements or arguments, its important to keep a few things in mind:

·       Is this an argument or a debate?

When you have a disagreement, there should be an end goal in mind: reconciliation and understanding. Try not to have an argument with the goal of coming up on top or being the winner. There should be two winners after an argument not one. Because a marriage is a partnership and if one person loses, everyone loses. 

·       Do we both feel respected and heard?

In disagreements, its important not to look down on the other person. This is a form of disrespect that can also translate to contempt. No one wants to feel looked down on, especially by your spouse. Contempt can also cause feelings of loneliness and make you feel unsupported by your spouse. Which sucks and according to Dr. Elizabeth Cohen is another reason for divorce.

Effective communication, especially during an argument is crucial to a successful marriage. If a partner makes you feel like they’re looking down on you or not making you feel heard, those are some red flags. 

Are There any Red Flags?

This is more of a question to ask yourself. And to ask your family and friends who have met your partner. And to pray about: What do these people (and God) think of your partner? Keep in mind, that the decision to be with someone is ultimately yours to make: not your friend’s or family’s decision. But if you or anyone in your life notices any red flags, its important to consider them. 

Are We On the Same Page with Key Topics?

Yes, you gotta bring up the juicy stuff before you get married!

·       Do you want kids? And if so, when and how many?

·       Do you want pets? What kind and when?

·       How do you feel about weapons in the home?

·       How frequently will we have family or friends over?

·       What do boundaries with family look like?(side note: check out my post on boundaries with family here.)

·       How do you feel about going to church? And what is your relationship with God like?

These questions are key topics that should definitely be discussed sooner rather than later. Trust me, it’ll save you some awkward moments and difficult disagreements in the future. When you’re done asking those questions, then you can get onto the exciting questions regarding: the wedding!

How Long do You Want to Wait Before We Get Married?

Photo by SplitShire on Pexels.com

·       How long between engagement and the wedding day?

·       How much money should we spend on the wedding?

·       How many people should we invite? And who?

These questions are very important. Some folks are okay with a short time frame between getting together and getting married. While other people may want to wait years before getting married. Citing financial reasons, or school reasons, etc. while I believe you don’t have to wait too long before you get married (which I’ll speak on in my next post), its important you and your partner are on the right page in regard to this. Also, weddings are expensive! So make sure you guys are on the same page in regard to a budget for your special day!

Unity is the goal in marriage. While it may feel awkward or cringe to ask some of these questions to your partner, asking them will ensure unity and a healthy marriage through communication and discussion of these key topics. 

Plus, you never want to assume you and our partner are on the same page about anything. Again, you two are completely different people with different life experiences and thought patterns. Although you two may have a lot in common, its important to consider yo will disagree on certain things and discuss it sooner rather than later. 

Blessingss,

M/M

Monday Musings: Five Lessons from a Wife Whose Parents are Divorced

***I may or may not receive compensation from the affiliate link below. Thanks for your support!***

Divorce sucks. When it happens, it affects everyone-not just the husband and wife. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and the experience hurt. But I learned a lot examining my parents marriage-the highs, the lows and its eventual end taught me a lot of lessons that I draw upon now as a wife. Hopefully these lessons help you too.

1. Communicate as Much as You Can

As an introvert, I struggle sometimes with communicating with my spouse. I find it easier to withhold my thoughts and feelings and retreat into the safety of my mind. But I learned its better for the relationship to talk about any concerns or thoughts you have. Because your spouse wont know how you’re feeling until you tell them. Satan comes to destroy your marriage. He hates unity. He will speak lies to you about your spouse and continue to tell them until you believe it.

Satan: “He doesn’t think you look good in that outfit. In fact he thinks you’re ugly and wishes he was with his ex.”

Wife: “Does he still think about his ex? Does he think I’m ugly?”

By communicating, you put a stop to these lies and get the truth from your spouse yourself instead of assuming. Don’t be afraid to be real with your spouse. Ask him directly, “do you think I’m beautiful?” And don’t be afraid to talk back to those lying thoughts.

Wife: “that’s not true! My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world!”

Speaking of beauty, I’ve noticed insecurities can lead to assumptions. Which can also lead to arguments. Leading to my next point.

2. Assume the Best, Not the Worst

This one can be tricky because if you’re offended, its easy to assume your husband intentionally tried to hurt you. Especially if the offense is rooted in an insecurity. Insecurities are like healing scars: if you poke or pick at it, it’ll sting. If our spouse unintentionally (or intentionally) pokes at your insecurity, it can hurt a lot. The best thing to do is to first communicate with your spouse and tell them you were hurt by them. Try your best not to attack or assume they intentionally tried to hurt you. I’ve learned the best thing to do with insecurities is recognize them, and grow from it. Assuming things about your spouse can be perceived as disrespectful. You never want to disrespect your spouse.

3. Unconditional Respect

We’ve all heard of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect? I’ve learned that respect and love are equally important in marriage. Even the apostle Paul talks about the importance of respect as being as important as love in marriage. He commands the husband in Ephesians 5:25-33 to “love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for it…let everyone of you love his wife even as himself.”

But he also adds in verse 33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” As wives, we are to respect our husbands. Yes, our husbands should respect us too, but Paul specifically commands wives to respect their husbands. Why would he say this? I believe its because he knew respect is as important to men as love is to women and there would be times where we don’t want to respect our husbands. I’ve learned that respect is something that, when lacking, can cause lasting damage in a marriage. It can cause spouses to be embittered by one another. If a person doesn’t feel respected, they will find respect elsewhere.

Respect, like love, is a basic marital need. There will be times when I don’t feel my husband deserves respect, but I give it because in marriage, respect isn’t earned its required. More on this love and respect principle can be viewed in this awesome book: “Love and Respect: the love she most desires and respect he desperately needs” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which I’ve linked below.

Love and respect in marriage helps maintain unity in marriage like a glue. Glue is a perfect Segway to my next lesson, which is:

4. Keep the Unity

Unity is so important in marriage. I don’t just mean staying together forever. I also mean unity in goals for your lives. Before we got married, we spoke about life goals together and ensured we agreed on things like: children, pets, home ownership, debt, career goals, etc. We had to make sure we were both on the same page, or else we would not be unified on these topics. Jumping back on that respect point, I make sure never to disrespect or talk bad about my spouse to others including family. Because that will bring division. Speaking of family, family can be a cause of division in marriage. I spoke on this in a previous post called I married you, not your family

https://themustardseedwife.com/2021/09/17/i-married-you-not-your-family/

It’s important to set up appropriate boundaries with family members, and ensure the family knows your spouse is to be respected as another member of the family. An important  member of the marriage should be: Jesus.

5. Keep God in the Center

Keeping God in the center of your marriage will do wonders for your marriage and even before your marriage. Ask yourselves: Does God want us to be together in the first place?  Plead the blood of Jesus over your marriage daily. Pray for and with each other. Go to church together.

Make sure your heart is right with the Lord so you can love and serve your spouse the way you should. If you include God in your marriage, you will never be disappointed. Finally, the last one which is:

6. Divorce is Never an Option

Jason and I do as much as we can to ensure divorce is never an option for us. By not only implementing the lessons above, but also loving on each other, serving each other, keeping ourselves at our best so we maintain attraction for each other, and keeping our marriage first (after God). Of course, I understand there are instances where divorce should definitely happen, and God is able to make every broken situation into a beautiful one. I want to make sure I do everything I can to ensure its never an option.

Conclusion

Reiterating what I said above: I think divorce sucks. Divorce is like a bomb. Once its dropped it damages everything in its path: the children, the spouses, your finances, your home. So I want to do everything in my power to ensure divorce is not an option for myself and my husband.

Blessings,

M/M