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Behold! A battle of epic proportions! Between me and loneliness. Loneliness sucks. I grew up in a household constantly surrounded by people. Family members or friends coming over every day. Cooking together, watching games or movies together. The togetherness was real. But when I got married, I didn’t realize how much of a transition it would be to go from a big, crowded household, to a household with just me and my best buddy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband to bits and I consider myself eternally blessed to spend every day with him. But moving away from home to a whole new town was hard for me. I didn’t know anyone in this new city. Let me tell you, I spent many nights crying because I didn’t feel like I belonged and I felt alone.
But Michelle, how can you feel lonely when you have a whole husband?! It’s not as hard as you may think. As a new wife, I’m still getting to know my husband. While we have many things in common, we don’t share an infinite amount of interests. Plus, he’s a guy, and I’m a woman. So the need for connection with others like you was so strong for me. I yearned for girl time, for connection with others, to feel apart, to have a family in my new home.
Solutions, Solutions, Solutions
Enter: the church. Going to church really helped me get connected to others in this new environment. I was able to connect with some people and make friends. This was hard at first. Its always hard to put yourself out there. I pushed back against making new friends at first. Rebelling, because I yearned or my friends back home. But eventually, I was able to push myself to make friends
Be friendly. Being friendly is the first step to making friends. The Bible says to be friendly. If you’re an introvert like me, it can be hard to do this. But the more you practice, the better you’ll do! I just go up to people who seem nice and start a conversation with a compliment.
Prayer. Get closer to God during this time of transition. Learn more about him through study plans, books and such. Ask him to lead you to people like you who will grow you. Ask him to lead you to others you can help. The Lord guides our steps (Psalm 37:23-24) and He has a desire for everyone where ever they are placed. Ask the Lord what (or who) is your mission for you where you are and dedicate ourself to that. Perhaps he wants you to pray for a sister in church or babysit for a single mom struggling financially. A good book by Nancy Leigh Demoss called A Place of Quiet Rest: Finding Intimacy with God is great for growing intimacy with God. It helped me a lot with my daily devotions.
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Cry as much as you like. I probably cried at least once or twice a month when I first moved down from home. I missed my family and friends so much. This is completely fine! I needed to process this. I allowed myself to process this transition, and m better for it. One year into the transition, and I don’t cry as much. I feel more at home in my new town.
Get a Journal! Journaling has also helped me process my emotions about this transition. It has allowed me to really delve into my emotions. I’m often not the best at explaining myself or my emotions. So writing it out helps a ton. Tjmaxx, Marshalls, and Ross have really pretty journals.
Find things to do in Your Area. Activities for personal growth help a lot as well. My husband and I joined a gym and got a personal trainer. This is something I can look forward to each week. This also helped me get to know more people in the community, and get acclimated to activities in the community. You don’t have to join a gym; instead you could take a pottery class, join a book club, or explore a new restaurant, hiking trail, or beach nearby! Get yourself excited about what is in your area.
Transitions are had, but they are doable. A transition is a temporary period: getting you from your starting point to your destination. Your job is to determine what steps you’ll do to make your transition a little easier. You can do it!
Blessings,
M/M
The Mustard Seed Wife 