Tag Archives: Christian

Marriage Mondays: Encouraging Respect for Your Husband

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This valentines day, show love to your husband or boyfriend in the way he’ll appreciate most. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his bestselling book “Love and Respect,” women desire to be loved, while men (also desire to be loved obviously) but they desire respect more so.

So, lets discuss some encouraging respect for your husband by showing them we respect them.

What is His Love Language?

First, it’s important to know what his love language is. According to Gary Chapman, bestselling author of “The 5 Love Languages” there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Does your husband seem to enjoy gifts? Give your gift with an encouraging love note (we’ll get to said words later). Or does he get excited when you spend time with him? Speak some encouraging words to him when you’re alone with him.

Knowing your husband’s love language is a special touch to add when encouraging respect for your husband. But, as I mentioned above, its important to know what encouraging words for your husband, which leads to the next point.

What do You Tell Him?

Decide what you will say. Don’t write a cookie-cutter, fortune cookie message. Be specific about what you admire or respect about him. According to Dr. Eggerichs, men desire to be admired and respected.

Think up some reasons why you admire him. If you’re having some trouble thinking of things, go back to when you were engaged: what did you admire about him? What drew you to him?

Some ideas:

This is why I respect you….

I respect you because…

I’m so glad you chose me to be your wife

I’m proud to be your wife because…

I believe in you.

You’re the strongest (and/or sexiest) man I know

You’re such a great protector

You’re such a hard worker because…

I appreciate how hard you work every day for our family

You’re the most hardworking man I know because…

Say these things or make little notes for him to find (lunchbox, work desk, etc). But why are these notes based on respect or admiration? Well, most men desire respect more than love. Not to say they don’t want love, but most men want respect more.

After surveying hundreds of men, Shaunti Feldhahn author of “For Women Only” found that 74% of men said they would rather feel unloved than disrespected. Respect is a big deal for men. If you want to show your man how much you adore him, show him some respect.

Conclusion

Men endure a lot-as the leaders of the home they carry a heavy burden. It’s important to uplift and encourage the men we love in our lives. Not just our husbands, but also our brothers, and fathers or father-figures. On a side note, another way to show respect for your husband is to show submission to him. You can read more about submission in my article “what does submission mean in marriage” here.

I love gassing up my husband. No one should be better at gassing up my man than me. Surely there will be others who will encourage him-whether at work or elsewhere. So, make sure it’s you, his leading lady, who is giving him the utmost encouragement and respect he craves!

Blessings,

M/M

P.S.

Check out the aforementioned books below to revamp and grow your marriage!

4 Tips for a Beautiful and Budget-Friendly Wedding

man and woman kissing
Photo by Emma Bauso on Pexels.com

Weddings are great. They can be the most exciting day of your life. But, they can also be pretty expensive. So, I’ve provided 4

tips for a beautiful and budget-friendly wedding! 

1. Guests 

Guest-lists are a great place to start for a beautiful and budget-friendly wedding. Because each person means one meal, one seat, one favor, etc. So a few tips for narrowing your guest-list: 

-Are you both close (I.e. do you depend on each other, known each other for a while, your family and other friends know them, etc.) or are you just trying to be nice? 

-Did you go to their wedding? 

-Do you think they be in your life 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 

Don’t be afraid to remove people from your list. I had a huge list when I started wedding planning but I realized that is not realistic for me. Because like I said above, every person has to get a meal, and a chair; and those things cost money. So, you’re gonna have to pay for it. Be realistic with your list: your wallet (and spouse) will thank you. 

2. Venue 

The venue is so important for the aesthetic, comfort, and photos of your wedding! But many venues will jack up their prices if you book the place for a wedding. So here are a few tips to keep in mind. 

-State park: I had my wedding at a state park and it cost around $280. Check state parks near you, many of them have beautiful natural views, or even areas for reception. 

-Airbnb: You MUST tell the host you plan on hosting a wedding. This is a great option because you can choose a house with enough rooms to host your wedding party, the reception and the ceremony (heck, even the honeymoon if you want!). Since you’ll be staying in a rental property, you could pay a fraction of the price of a hotel wedding. 

Church: If you are a member of a local church, they could allow you to host a wedding there. Again, some churches will only allow members to get married there so do some research before throwing your money at that neighborhood church with the beautiful stained glass windows. If the church is big enough and has a kitchen, you can have the reception there too! 

-Beach: If you live in a state with beaches, there are many businesses that have all-in-one wedding packages that include chairs, an officiant, appetizers, and a take-home gift! They often range from accommodating 2 people up to 30 people (the ones in Florida at least). Now all you have to do is find a nice restaurant nearby to have the reception which leads to my next tip to have a beautiful and budget-friendly wedding. 

3. Cake

For all you sweet-tooths out there I have some great options for you to get a great and affordable cake! 

-Can you or a friend bake? I love DIYing and even considered baking my own wedding cake. Youtube University is a great resource to use! Or even a friend or family member who can make a cake for you. 

-Costco or a Grocery store: You can buy a simple sheetcake, or a layered cake from a big-box store like Costco or Bjs for a good price. You can even get a small sheetcake or personal cake for you and your spouse to enjoy and take pictures with then supplement that with a dessert table! 

-Have a Dessert Table Instead: Or just have a dessert table instead. 

4. Decorations and Fun

For everything else that will make your wedding amazing see the list below. 

-Buy Fake Flowers: They make really nice fake flowers these days. You can get really nice and affordable ones from Amazon or Hobby Lobby! 

-Fun things: Volleyball, block Jenga that guests can sign, bubbles and sparklers try Walmart or Amazon! 

Conclusion

While the wedding day can be an amazing, fun, memorable day it’s important to remember that its only one day out of many days you’ll enjoy with your spouse. So don’t get too caught up in planning the wedding that you aren’t set up for the period after the wedding. Ask yourself: Will buying this put my spouse and I in debt?  

Please don’t think I’m telling you to not have a beautiful, spectacular wedding! Work with your spouse and whoever else is involved in planning the wedding budget. Also, check out my post for best advice for newlyweds here!

Blessings, 

M/M 

Couple Fights-How to Argue as a Couple

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Couples are bound to argue. Being able to fight in marriage or any relationship is so crucial to a healthy marriage or relationship. Are you ready to learn how to have couple fights? Let’s get started.

Do We Both feel Understood?

Make sure you’re arguing without blaming or criticizing each other but arguing to understand what each other are feeling.

Example of what not to say in a couple fight:

“You’re always thinking about yourself! You never think about me.”

“You think I’m a bad person.”

“You hate me!”

Notice these statements are very criticizing and make assumptions. Do your best to avoid making assumptions about why your spouse did something-you won’t know for sure why someone does something until you ask them. 

Do not criticize your spouse. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, created a list of four things that lead to divorce, or the four horsemen of divorce. 

Criticism is one of the four horsemen of divorce. There’s a difference between offering a critique, and criticizing: critique comes from a partner who seeks to help their partner be better, while criticizing comes from a partner who seeks to put down their partner. 

Example of what to say in a couple fight:

“I felt this way because…”

“I thought this when you did this…”

These statements are questioning. This partner is trying to understand why their partner did something or said something. 

Be like a detective, try to solve the why of what happened or what was said. Turn all that anger and frustration into a drive to understand why your partner did what they did. Seeking to understand is also important because it ensures respect. Which is the next point.

Are We Respecting Each Other?

A big part of love is respect. When you respect someone you won’t make them feel stupid. Make sure you’re respecting each other even when you don’t agree with them! 

If you feel disrespected in an argument, you both have already lost because disrespect easily leads to contempt. And contempt is one of the four horseman of divorce. 

You and your partner are two different people with different backgrounds, experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc. so it would make sense you both would disagree on things! 

But just because you’re different doesn’t mean you should disrespect each other. Work to respect each other’s opinions and feelings. Learn more about respecting your husband in my post here.

If you feel particularly heated, take a five minute break to blow off steam, separate and gather your thoughts together. But DONT stonewall: stonewalling is when you completely shut down in an argument.

Stonewalling is another horseman of divorce. This is an easy way out that should never be taken because nothing gets solved that way-you’re not communicating anymore. So no one wins. Winning is the final goal!

Do We Both Win?

You should (or try to) argue with a goal in mind. Notably, this can take a lot of self-control especially if you’re angry. It can be easy to get defensive, and be blind to your own feelings (we’ve all been there).

Defensiveness is one of the four horsemen of divorce. Defensiveness causes division between you and your spouse when you should be united. So, try to argue with a goal in mind. Don’t let the goal be to blow off at each other. 

Instead come up with a compromise. That way there won’t be one winner at the end of a couple fight-there should be two winners. 

Conclusion

I believe arguments can be productive. You can end an argument amicably. If you need to bring a person in who can be unbiased. Respect, seeking to understand, and ensuring you both win is so important to ensure you and your partner argue well. If you want to read more on communicating better with your partner, check out Dr. Gottman’s book below on the four horsemen of divorce. 

*Bonus tip: don’t go to bed angry!

Blessings,

M/M

4 Tips on How to Trust God in Uncertain Times

All of us want stability. To know that our basic needs will be met daily: food, water, a place to live, etc, etc. But in these uncertain times, it can be super easy to fall into the fear trap.

But God doesn’t want us to live in fear, He wants us to live lives where we trust Him daily. But I know how hard that can be, so in this post I’ll detail some practical ways to trust God in uncertain times.

1. Know Who God is

When you really take the time to study the scriptures, it’ll become abundantly clear who God is: a loving, strong, resourceful father who desires to care for His children.

He says he has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11)

He says the righteous will never be forsaken nor beg for food (Psalm 37:25)

He tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25)

He even know the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7)!

God cares about every little detail about our lives because He is our loving heavenly Father. No father would willfully allow His children to suffer needlessly.

Many times in the scriptures God promises He will take care of His children. Here are some good ones:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you,” (1 Peter 5:7)

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

“I have been young, and now am old; Yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his seed begging bread.” (Psalm 37:25).

He always keeps His promises. So take the time to study about God’s character: he is very faithful and won’t ever abandon you.

2. Control What You Can

In these uncertain times, its easy to worry and harder to actually do something about your fears. Are you afraid you won’t be able to provide for your family?

Find ways to make money. Start a YouTube channel, start a notary business, sell items on Etsy or amazon, or start a blog. The possibilities are endless with side hustles.

Are you afraid your health will be compromised? Do what you can to strengthen your body and immune system.

Do what you can to counter your fear. If you’re trusting in the Lord, and placing your life in his hands, He’ll allow your plans to succeed (Proverbs 16:3).

Do your part, and God will take care of the rest. Like the old adage goes: “God helps those who help themselves.”

3. Get Your Hands Off the Wheel

Allow God to do what He wants to do in your life. Are you forcing something to happen that clearly isn’t God’s will?

Are you ignoring what God has explicitly say to do? Are you praying about things but still worrying about it?

Stop that! Let me do some math for you:

Worry + Prayer does not = answered prayer

Faith + Prayer = answered prayer

God doesn’t want us worrying over things. Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid,” (John 14:27).

I know how hard it is to trust God for something when there is pressure on you to have an answer. We often want quick answers to our problems, but God likes to take His time sometimes.

But trust His plans are always on time. I remember as a child my family and I were going to be evicted from our home. The rental office worker was only two doors down from our home when we were finally able to get the rent money. Talk about an on-time God!

Pray over situations and wash your hands of it, allowing God to do His thing. Now sometimes we won’t like His solutions, but they will be what’s best for us.

4. Stay Away From the Noise

Sometimes you need a break from the world. From the news, social media, YouTube. Those things can rally cloud your mind, and make you forget who God is and who you are.

I had to step away from social media for a little bit myself because I noticed when I was viewing it daily, seeing all the brokenness, atrocities, and injustices in the world got me feeling hopeless about my own future.

Now, I’m not saying to not be informed; but for me it is important to limit myself from social media and other sources. According to the Center for Mental Health in UK, social media is strongly linked to anxiety and depression.

We live in uncertain times. Although these times make it easy to be fearful, we can use these times as an exercise of faith. Trusting God daily for our provisions, dreams, goals, and futures.

This coming from a woman who used to find it easy to agonize over small things and worry all the time (I’ve gotten a lot better!). But eventually I learned that everything that happens in my life, God is in control over.

Besides, this world isn’t our home anyway-were just passing through. As the world continues to spiral into madness, this fact becomes more clear every day And faith in Christ becomes more necessary.

If you’re struggling to trust Him, like the man whose son was possessed of a devil ask, the Lord to “help your unbelief” (Mark 9:24). He knows our frame, that were humans who struggle to see our lives through the eyes of faith instead of worry, but the sooner we live lives of faith, the less afraid we’ll be.

Blessings,

M/M