Femininity Traits: 4 Verses for Biblical Femininity

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Femininity is something that is, according to the Bible, what God intended for women to be. So, let’s discuss some important femininity traits.

Behavior

Titus 2:5: Discretion and Chastity

In this verse Paul instructs wives (and really all women),

 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Gotta love Paul’s frankness.

He tells women to be discreet, meaning careful with words. If you’re like me, this can be incredibly difficult which is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit to keep our mouths shut in moments we really don’t want to.

Chaste means no hanky-panky before marriage. Paul also instructs women to be restrained, or self-disciplined, keepers at home, good, and obedient to husbands.

A hefty list, but again, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that list becomes achievable.

Proverbs 31: An Ode to the Virtuous Woman

In this ode to a virtuous woman, we learn a plethora of femininity traits!

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. 

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

Some things to note: the virtuous woman has many great femininity traits: she is trustworthy, her husband trusts her, good, hard worker, early riser, considerate of others, diligent, disciplined (she exercises), cares for household, wise, kind.

Please don’t think this woman was born virtuous, kind, hardworking and trustworthy. Just like the rest of us, I’m certain she had many failures, and had to push herself to be the virtuous woman she is. Just like we do.

Physical Appearance

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Physical appearance is important for biblical femininity and the way we look and dress ourselves matter to God. As evidenced when Paul instructs women in 1 Timothy 2: 9-10,

 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;  But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” 

Pretty straight-forward verse. Paul instructs women to not spend too much time focused on physical appearance, but rather their own inward appearance was most important.  

Encouraging women to “adorn themselves in modest apparel” instead of “gold, or pearls, or costly array.”  

But rather to adorn oneself with the femininity traits of “shamefacedness,” or reverence to others; sobriety, defined as being sensible, and lastly to do good works.

14 Great Bible Verses about Self-Worth.

1 Peter 3: 3-4: Gentle and Quiet Spirit

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

This verse reminds me a lot of 1 Timothy 2:9-10. With two early Christian leaders teaching literally the same things almost word for word, it is clear God wanted gentleness and meekness to be apart the femininity traits in women in early Christian culture.

Peter, much like Paul, encourages women to swap elaborate hairstyles, gold jewelry and nice clothes for the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”-precious in God’s sight.

Conclusion

It’s important to note the backstory of the book of first Timothy. Timothy lived in Ephesus around AD 50-60. At the time, this town was a wealthy trade city.

Making Paul’s comments about not indulging in fancy clothes or jewels all the more salient. As well as rampant moral depravity which led women to dress extremely provocatively in the name of female empowerment and Artemis/Diana worship.

Although my journey of modesty may look different than yours, the origin is the same for everyone: the Bible. God made males and females with different gender roles. I encourage you to study these verses and pray what your femininity journey will look like.

Blessings and love,

M/M

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It can be hard to wait to have sex before marriage. Especially when you face a daily bombardment  with of sex on tv shows, movies, music, music videos and books. Begging the question: should you consider no sex before marriage? Yes: let me tell you why. 

*This post is by no means to shame anyone who has not or chosen not to abstain from sex before marriage. On the contrary, I want to share some amazing benefits of abstaining from sex before marriage!* 

Stronger and Better Relationship

One benefit of not having sex before marriage is it strengthens your relationship. A 2010 study including 2,035 married participants who completed a questionnaire about their relationships revealed some insights into abstinence and marital benefits.

The researchers found, “couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had relationship stability rated 22 percent higher, and relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher.”

Dean Busby the lead researcher further elaborated, “There’s more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship.”

There is more to a relationship than sex: compatibility, life goals, morals, and values. Abstaining from sex allows you to learn other things about your spouse other than their anatomy. Which leads to my next point.

Strengthen Communication Skills

When you’re focused on other things other than sex you can learn a lot about your partner! What they like and dislike, and if you two are truly compatible or not. Which is another benefit of not having sex before marriage.

The study mentioned above revealed that couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had 12% better communication. If you need a few conversation starters for you and your partner, check out my blog post here!

Learn Self-Discipline

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Thessalonians 4: 3  

Another benefit of not having sex before marriage is you learn self-discipline. An area I’m growing in. If you’re wanting to be more disciplined, no other way than to practice abstinence. Self-discipline is especially important in marriage.

There will be times when you have to exercise self-discipline by holding your tongue and not lashing out against your spouse, or by holding your wallet and not spending a load of money on Shein.com when you’re on a budget (as in my case!).

Better Sex

One pretty important benefit of not having sex before marriage is once you get married, the sex can be better compared to couples’ sex lives who didn’t wait.

The aforementioned study found that compared to couples who didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better.

It makes sense. When you don’t have anyone else to compare your sexual experiences with, your sexual relationship with your spouse can grow unhindered. 

Bonus-God Warns Against Premarital Sex

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4 

If you’re a Christian, you know that the bible warns against premarital sex. God doesn’t say this to hurt us, or because He doesn’t want us to have fun. It’s because He cares for us and wants to protect us.  

I once heard a pastor describe sex as a fire: when in a controlled environment like a fireplace with a gate, it can be enjoyed for warmth and for making s’mores!

But when in an uncontrolled environment, fire can cause great harm: burning everything in its wake. In the confines of a committed marriage, sex can bring a lot of benefits. But outside of the confines of marriage, there is risk. Its up to you to decide if the risks outweigh the benefits.

Blessings,

M/M

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It can be hard to wait to have sex before marriage. Especially when you face a daily bombardment  with of sex on tv shows, movies, music, music videos and books. Begging the question: should you consider no sex before marriage? Yes: let me tell you why. 

*This post is by no means to shame anyone who has not or chosen not to abstain from sex before marriage. On the contrary, I want to share some amazing benefits of abstaining from sex before marriage!* 

Stronger and Better Relationship

One benefit of not having sex before marriage is it strengthens your relationship. A 2010 study including 2,035 married participants who completed a questionnaire about their relationships revealed some insights into abstinence and marital benefits.

The researchers found, “couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had relationship stability rated 22 percent higher, and relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher.”

Dean Busby the lead researcher further elaborated, “There’s more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship.”

There is more to a relationship than sex: compatibility, life goals, morals, and values. Abstaining from sex allows you to learn other things about your spouse other than their anatomy. Which leads to my next point.

Strengthen Communication Skills

When you’re focused on other things other than sex you can learn a lot about your partner! What they like and dislike, and if you two are truly compatible or not. Which is another benefit of not having sex before marriage.

The study mentioned above revealed that couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship had 12% better communication. If you need a few conversation starters for you and your partner, check out my blog post here!

Learn Self-Discipline

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Thessalonians 4: 3  

Another benefit of not having sex before marriage is you learn self-discipline. An area I’m growing in. If you’re wanting to be more disciplined, no other way than to practice abstinence. Self-discipline is especially important in marriage.

There will be times when you have to exercise self-discipline by holding your tongue and not lashing out against your spouse, or by holding your wallet and not spending a load of money on Shein.com when you’re on a budget (as in my case!).

Better Sex

One pretty important benefit of not having sex before marriage is once you get married, the sex can be better compared to couples’ sex lives who didn’t wait.

The aforementioned study found that compared to couples who didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better.

It makes sense. When you don’t have anyone else to compare your sexual experiences with, your sexual relationship with your spouse can grow unhindered. 

Bonus-God Warns Against Premarital Sex

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4 

If you’re a Christian, you know that the bible warns against premarital sex. God doesn’t say this to hurt us, or because He doesn’t want us to have fun. It’s because He cares for us and wants to protect us.  

I once heard a pastor describe sex as a fire: when in a controlled environment like a fireplace with a gate, it can be enjoyed for warmth and for making s’mores!

But when in an uncontrolled environment, fire can cause great harm: burning everything in its wake. In the confines of a committed marriage, sex can bring a lot of benefits. But outside of the confines of marriage, there is risk. Its up to you to decide if the risks outweigh the benefits.

Blessings,

M/M

5 Ways to Have a Relationship With God

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Many of us want a stronger relationship with God. It often seems like God is so far away from us, but He is not. How do we do that then? How do you have a relationship with God? 

Spend Quality Time with Him 

Prayer, bible study and fasting are great ways to know more about God, and to destroy your own sinful desires. But also spending the day talking to Him helps you grow in your relationship with God. The Bible teaches us to “pray without ceasing,” (1 Thessalonians 5: 17). Just like you text your friends or family members when something happens, talk to God about it too. 

Watch movies or read books with Him! Include God in what you’re doing and spend quality time with Him. Make sure you take the time to listen, too. Sometimes we treat God as our therapist and just blab on and on about everything when God is waiting to get a word in. I’m guilty of this!

Give him that space to talk too. Prayer should be a conversation not a soliloquy. When you spend time in prayer daily, (mornings are best in my opinion) you start to recognize His still, small voice.  

Obey

Jesus taught in John 14:21, “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me.”  And also in 1 Samuel 15:22, “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” 

I heard a YouTube once says that Obedience is God’s love language-I believe that. When you obey God you’re acting in faith that you believe He is God, that what He says is true. Abraham was called a friend of God because He trusted God, obeyed God by faith, even to the point of almost sacrificing his own son (Genesis 22:1-19)! So, if you want to have a stronger relationship with God, obey what He says. 

When you get closer to him, eventually He will tell you to do things that you won’t want to do. Do it! When you obey, your confidence and faith in God will grow too.  

Tune Out the Noise 

There is so much noise in our society. So many voices and opinions. Making it hard to tune into what God is saying to us. Learn to cut out the noise: cut out voices that don’t glorify God or His ways. This includes movies, tv shows, social media, Youtube, music, books. Back in the Bible days, it was easier to grow close to God because they didn’t have the distraction of movies, Instagram, Youtube or music. 

King David said, “I will set no evil thing before my face (Psalm 101: 3).” The Apostle Paul said, “All things are lawful [that is, morally legitimate, permissible], but not all things are beneficial or advantageous. All things are lawful, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life] (1 Corinthians 10:23).” 

Do you struggle with envy but love  scrolling through for hours on end? Maybe take a break from Instagram for some time. Make sure you’re feeding yourself with things that glorify God more than things that do not glorify God. Know where your struggle areas are. Be attentive to what comes into your ear gate and eye gate. The eyes are the windows of the soul. What you watch, listen to, and read does affect you and how you view God.  

“Be ye Holy as I am Holy” (1 Peter 1:16

Being Holy means to be set apart. As Christians, we are in the world, but we are not of the world (John 17: 16). God called the people of Israel to be a light to the world (Isaiah 49: 6). When they got to the promised land, He told them to utterly destroy the surrounding nations who served other Gods.  

This was because God knew if they were around things and people who didn’t serve Him, His people would do the same. And they did. Eventually the people of Israel became so depraved, they worshipped the Gods of the surrounding nations and became just like them. We have to be careful not to be like the people of Israel. We have to rid our lives of things that can destroy our relationship with God. We are called to be Holy as He is holy.  

When we are filled with His spirit (Joel 2: 28=29, Acts 2: 38, Acts 10: 44-46) His spirit will help us to live holy. He will convict us if we are watching, or listening to things, or reading things that will hinder our relationship with Him. Don’t grieve the spirit by doing things He doesn’t like.

When you carry the spirit of the living and Holy God in you, He doesn’t want to be in places that are not Holy. And He doesn’t want to you to take in things that are unholy. Think about that. So when you’re filled with His spirit, you will feel uncomfortable because you have His spirit in you.  

Are There Any Other Idols in your Life? 

The final way to get closer to God is to get rid of any other idols in your life. God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14). He desires, and deserves complete and total devotion. Most people nowadays don’t worship idols from the bible days. But we all can idolize something without erecting an idol.  

Jesus says in Matthew 6: 21, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Where are you putting your money? What do you worship? Do you worship your job? What about an entertainer or a sport? Is getting married your highest goal in life? Do you worship yourself?

God wants to be the only God in your life, He commanded don’t have any other gods before me. What gods are in your life? You’ll know based on how much time you spend on it, and /or how much money you give the idol. 

“To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.” St. Augustine 

Having a relationship with God, like any relationship takes work and dedication. But also sacrifice. You have to be willing to obey God, and to surrender your life to God. But it is so worth it. No one else loves like God loves. When you fall in love with God, you learn so much about yourself and grow in so many ways.  

Blessings,

M/M

Bible Verses for Your Worst Days in Marriage

Marriage can be tough. Really tough. But the Bible is an amazing resource to help you keep your marriage strong.

The Bible can be used for every area of our lives: including marriage. Check out the following Bible verses for your worst days in marriage.

When You Don’t Want to Forgive

Forgive your spouse, although you may not want to

We all mess up. It takes acknowledgement of that to forgive someone else: especially loved ones.

If you’re struggling to forgive, start by praying for your spouse. When Jesus was on the cross, He prayed for his murderers and accusers for God to forgive them.

Forgiveness is mostly for you. Unforgiveness can easily lead to bitterness. Plus, in marriage you or your spouse are bound to mess up.

None of us are perfect and we all mess up. Forgiving one another needs to be something we do on a daily basis.

Doing so will prevent us from harboring unforgiveness which can lead to not only bitterness, but also a lack of love. Which leads to my next point.

When You Want to Don’t Want to Love Your Spouse

When you’re hurt or annoyed by your spouse, it can be hard to show love for them. But God commands us to love each other. In spite of our faults, and hurts.

It’s important to show love. Loving each other in spite of our faults will grow you to another level as a christian and a spouse. Which leads to my next point: when your spouse is wrong about something.

When Your Spouse is Wrong

For me, if I feel my spouse is wrong about something and they dont agree, instead of arguing I go pray. The Lord can bring peace to any situation. Prayer works.

Doing this brings peace to me as well that the situation is in God’s hands. It also helps me from being so angry.

And after you pray for your spouse, show them love. Cook dinner, help them throughout the day. Be good to them still, which will not only shower on guilt but get them thinking about the disagreement. As the next verse explains,

Conclusion

Marriage can be hard, but the Bible provides instructions for your worst days in marriage.

Study these verses, and do what it says and it could help you and your marriage grow better. So study these verses, pray them over you and your spouse. For more verses for wives to know check out this post.

Blessings,

M/M

Marriage Gym: Is Work Getting in the Way of Intimacy?

We all have to work, right? I mean we gotta work to survive and thrive. Some of us have jobs that we really love, and some of us have jobs (or school) that can be pretty demanding. There is nothing wrong with having a job that you love and are passionate about. But there is always a danger of work getting in the way of intimacy with your partner.

I’ve experienced this with my husband. He loves his job in insurance, but he is in a season where he works 12-13 hour days. His work schedule can be pretty hard because we’re not spending as much time together than we usually do. So we have had to work a little harder to promote intimacy with each other. Here are a few things we’ve done to encourage intamcy and continue to strengthen our marriage.

1. Communicate Your Love

Like the late songbird Whitney Houston sang, “how do I know that he really loves me?” You won’t know unless your told! My husband and I need reassurance that we still love and are attracted to each other. You can do this by leaving little notes for your partner to see: write a love message on a sticky note, or text them a sweet message, or surprise them with a small gift or card. A little goes a long way. Leave no room for speculation or doubt by telling your partner directly you love them.

2. Carve Out Time for Each Other

I know there can be times where it feels like we literally have no time to even breathe or eat, but its important to make time for the ones we love. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Even if its just an hour or two to share a cup of coffee together in the morning, or a saturday night to watch a movie together, or do something new together. Make the time. There’s an old saying that goes like this: love is spelled: T-I-M-E.

3. Cuddle More

Studies show cuddling is a great way to deepen love between spouses. Cuddling (hugging as well) releases the brain hormone oxytocin. This hormone makes you feel a connection with your spouse and deepens intimacy. Dr. Katherine Harmon studies the power of touch and found that cuddling also is shown to reduce anxiety and stress by increasing brain hormones like oxcytocin and dopamine (which makes you feel good) and lowers cortisol (a stress hormone)which could give you a better sleep. So if youre feeling especially disconnected from your spouse, get your cuddle (or hugging) on! Cuddle your spouse in the evenings and mornings before you start your day.

Intimacy is so important in marriage. When we’re married and just living our lives, its easy to get comfortable with our spouses and feel like we dont have to work too hard to woo our spouse anymore. Dont fall for that trap! Work to continue to woo your spouse and love on your spouse. But, intimacy is important outside of marriage too: if you have a boyfriend or friend or family member you’re not spending as much time with, find time to reach out or spend time with them whenever possible.

Blessings,

M/M

Monday Musings: Five Lessons from a Wife Whose Parents are Divorced

***I may or may not receive compensation from the affiliate link below. Thanks for your support!***

Divorce sucks. When it happens, it affects everyone-not just the husband and wife. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and the experience hurt. But I learned a lot examining my parents marriage-the highs, the lows and its eventual end taught me a lot of lessons that I draw upon now as a wife. Hopefully these lessons help you too.

1. Communicate as Much as You Can

As an introvert, I struggle sometimes with communicating with my spouse. I find it easier to withhold my thoughts and feelings and retreat into the safety of my mind. But I learned its better for the relationship to talk about any concerns or thoughts you have. Because your spouse wont know how you’re feeling until you tell them. Satan comes to destroy your marriage. He hates unity. He will speak lies to you about your spouse and continue to tell them until you believe it.

Satan: “He doesn’t think you look good in that outfit. In fact he thinks you’re ugly and wishes he was with his ex.”

Wife: “Does he still think about his ex? Does he think I’m ugly?”

By communicating, you put a stop to these lies and get the truth from your spouse yourself instead of assuming. Don’t be afraid to be real with your spouse. Ask him directly, “do you think I’m beautiful?” And don’t be afraid to talk back to those lying thoughts.

Wife: “that’s not true! My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world!”

Speaking of beauty, I’ve noticed insecurities can lead to assumptions. Which can also lead to arguments. Leading to my next point.

2. Assume the Best, Not the Worst

This one can be tricky because if you’re offended, its easy to assume your husband intentionally tried to hurt you. Especially if the offense is rooted in an insecurity. Insecurities are like healing scars: if you poke or pick at it, it’ll sting. If our spouse unintentionally (or intentionally) pokes at your insecurity, it can hurt a lot. The best thing to do is to first communicate with your spouse and tell them you were hurt by them. Try your best not to attack or assume they intentionally tried to hurt you. I’ve learned the best thing to do with insecurities is recognize them, and grow from it. Assuming things about your spouse can be perceived as disrespectful. You never want to disrespect your spouse.

3. Unconditional Respect

We’ve all heard of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect? I’ve learned that respect and love are equally important in marriage. Even the apostle Paul talks about the importance of respect as being as important as love in marriage. He commands the husband in Ephesians 5:25-33 to “love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for it…let everyone of you love his wife even as himself.”

But he also adds in verse 33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” As wives, we are to respect our husbands. Yes, our husbands should respect us too, but Paul specifically commands wives to respect their husbands. Why would he say this? I believe its because he knew respect is as important to men as love is to women and there would be times where we don’t want to respect our husbands. I’ve learned that respect is something that, when lacking, can cause lasting damage in a marriage. It can cause spouses to be embittered by one another. If a person doesn’t feel respected, they will find respect elsewhere.

Respect, like love, is a basic marital need. There will be times when I don’t feel my husband deserves respect, but I give it because in marriage, respect isn’t earned its required. More on this love and respect principle can be viewed in this awesome book: “Love and Respect: the love she most desires and respect he desperately needs” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which I’ve linked below.

Love and respect in marriage helps maintain unity in marriage like a glue. Glue is a perfect Segway to my next lesson, which is:

4. Keep the Unity

Unity is so important in marriage. I don’t just mean staying together forever. I also mean unity in goals for your lives. Before we got married, we spoke about life goals together and ensured we agreed on things like: children, pets, home ownership, debt, career goals, etc. We had to make sure we were both on the same page, or else we would not be unified on these topics. Jumping back on that respect point, I make sure never to disrespect or talk bad about my spouse to others including family. Because that will bring division. Speaking of family, family can be a cause of division in marriage. I spoke on this in a previous post called I married you, not your family

https://themustardseedwife.com/2021/09/17/i-married-you-not-your-family/

It’s important to set up appropriate boundaries with family members, and ensure the family knows your spouse is to be respected as another member of the family. An important  member of the marriage should be: Jesus.

5. Keep God in the Center

Keeping God in the center of your marriage will do wonders for your marriage and even before your marriage. Ask yourselves: Does God want us to be together in the first place?  Plead the blood of Jesus over your marriage daily. Pray for and with each other. Go to church together.

Make sure your heart is right with the Lord so you can love and serve your spouse the way you should. If you include God in your marriage, you will never be disappointed. Finally, the last one which is:

6. Divorce is Never an Option

Jason and I do as much as we can to ensure divorce is never an option for us. By not only implementing the lessons above, but also loving on each other, serving each other, keeping ourselves at our best so we maintain attraction for each other, and keeping our marriage first (after God). Of course, I understand there are instances where divorce should definitely happen, and God is able to make every broken situation into a beautiful one. I want to make sure I do everything I can to ensure its never an option.

Conclusion

Reiterating what I said above: I think divorce sucks. Divorce is like a bomb. Once its dropped it damages everything in its path: the children, the spouses, your finances, your home. So I want to do everything in my power to ensure divorce is not an option for myself and my husband.

Blessings,

M/M

The One Question You Don’t Want to Ask Yourself in Heaven.

I’m a huge Marvel fan. I’ve seen most of the Marvel movies and shows. Recently, Marvel released a new show called “What If?” The show examines what would happen if the usual storylines we’re familiar with in the Marvel movies took different turns. Like what if Peggy Carter became Captain America instead of Steve Rogers? Or what if Starlord was T’challa instead of Peter Quill? “What if” is a big question. It explores the realm of possibility. This is one question you don’t want to ask yourself when we get to eternity. Why, you might ask? Let’s explore this.

God’s Perfect Plan for You

The Bible says God has a perfect plan for our lives. But He does give us free will. We can choose to do things our way, outside of God’s will. Just look at Adam and Eve. God’s perfect will for them was to stay in the Garden of Eden: where they lived in peace, and had all the food and fulfillment they needed. But they chose to live outside of God’s plan for them. This plan was not as good as God’s plan: filled with toil, pain, sweat, and hurt. I often wondered what would have happened if Adam did not eat the fruit. If Adam chose to allow God to lead his life and not himself.

If we allow God to lead our lives, we won’t ever have to question what if. Because we will be in God’s perfect will. Now we are human, all of us struggle with doubt, or fear. But this is an appeal to live a life of faith. If you feel the Lord leading you to write a book-write the book. Or if you hear Him tell you to start a hard conversation with a family member about their faith, start that conversation. If you’re feeling afraid, do it with fear. God will see you through! But you probably should do it because you never know what is on the other side of your obedience. And if you stumble in your obedience, repent and keep going. God doesn’t give up on us if we struggle with our faith.

Use Your Gifts to Worship God

Live your best life for God! Use every gift and talent the Lord has given you. He gave it to you, so use it! Are you gifted in painting? Sell paintings or teach a class. Can you play piano? Play at church or in a band. Be like the man in the Bible who used all the talents the Lord gave him and brought a return on them. And if you aren’t sure what your gifts are, pray for guidance, do some online personality tests and some self-exploration. Check out the personality tests below:

https://www.16personalities.com

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/bring-your-bible/personality-test/

“He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.”

“His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord…Lord (wicked servant speaking), I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown…And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.”

“His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed…And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 25:14-30).

Don’t hide your talents out of fear. Do you know why the Lord was angry at the servant for hiding his talents? Because God gives us gifts to be used. Our gifts aren’t given to serve ourselves, but they’re given to be used as a form of worship in service. Just as Christ came not to be served but to serve others (Matthew 20:28).

Live Your Best Life for God

I don’t know if you can feel it but I feel we are in the last days. It’s like a feeling in me confirmed by what I see in the world every day. Jesus says in the last days there would be wars and rumors of wars (Matthew 24:6). Just take a look at the news and you can see this is a fact. Right now, commentators are speculating the US and China could go to war in the South Pacific. Daniel 9:27 says the antichrist would establish himself as god in the third temple in Jerusalem. There hasn’t been a temple or sacrificial system in Israel for many years but Israeli leaders have already started planning for the building of the third temple.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I don’t want you to have any regrets. Now more than ever, Christians need to be who God called us to be: ALL of what God called us to be. We are called to be bold as lions (Proverbs 28:1), have strong confidence (Proverbs 14:26), to preach the truth to all who will listen (Matthew 28:16-20), to work hard (Colossians 3:23), and to love God and others (Mark 12:31). We should live hard for God everyday. Compared to our lives on Earth, Eternity is a long time. I personally don’t want to spend that time asking myself what if: What if I had prayed more? What if I had fasted more? What if I had loved more? Because by then, it will be too late.

Monday Musings: For Those Who Hate Being Single

Everyone has had that horrible feeling of scrolling through social media or walking down the street seeing a cute couple and thinking to yourself-I want that!

Everyone wants relationship goals: A hot guy or girl on your arm and a ring on your finger. I can relate. Before I got married, I hated being single. There were many nights I spent sadly scrolling through instagram looking at all the beautiful couples. But eventually, I was able to see the many perks of being single. And trust me, there are some perks! While marriage is awesome and I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world, I have to admit being single has a lot of perks.

1. You Have All the Time in the World

Folks who are single have boundless time compared to married people. Don’t get me wrong of course we all work, or go to school and other responsibilities. But being unmarried gives you the liberty to decide what you want to do with your time without consulting your spouse. So you can choose to go study abroad in France for a semester. Or go on a missions trip to Africa. You also have the freedom to explore your own desires and figure out what you want to do with your life. In retrospect, I wish I had travelled more when I was single. I had more free time, and time is a precious commodity. With free time, comes less responsibility.

2. Less Responsibility

Being single means you have a lot less responsibility compared to married people. Sure you may have bills, or take care of family members and such. But having a spouse comes with a whole host of other responsibilities. Since you’re joined to another person, you’re also joined to their responsibilities as well. When you’re married, you have to ensure that you and your spouse are fed, housed, bills are paid, appointments kept, and so on and so forth. Single people have (generally) less responsibility and gives you again, more time to yourself to do what you want to do. You can hang out with your friends as much as you want. You’re also more in charge of your money. You don’t have to consult with your spouse before making a huge purchase. So if your single and have the means, buy the Louis Vuitton shoes now lol.

3. Grow Closer to God

Finally, and most importantly, being single means you have more time to spend with God. Take a day to fast and spend time with the Lord—sure, why not? Spend the rest of the night studying Levitical priesthood? Heck yes! Plan a trip to Israel next year? Hello! When I was single, I spent sooo much more time with God compared to when I was married. The Apostle Paul even says about single Christian women that they desire to serve God more compared to married Christian women,

“There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34).

When I was single, my desire was definitely to love on God as much as I could. God and I had movie nights, I would spend evenings fasting and praying; and I grew in my faith by leaps and bounds. This isn’t to say that you can’t continue to do these things in marriage, but its different. You have to consider what your husband might need or what you both have planned for the day, or what you need to do around the house. If I want to have a movie night with God, I’ll have to plan it out now. Growing in my faith takes a little more planning now that I’m married. Generally, EVERYTHING takes a lot more planning when you’re married compared to when you’re single.

I know how hard being single can be: you really, really want someone you can spend life with and love on. But Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, “for everything there is a time and a season.” If we put so much stock into getting married, and think our lives won’t begin until marriage; not only will you be wasting time to do the things God wants you to do NOW but you probably won’t get married because you’ve created an idol out of marriage. In Exodus 20:3 God says, “You will have no other gods before me.” God will withhold things from us if were creating gods out of them.

Trust me, I’ve been there so I get it. But when I stopped being hellbent on not being single-my life blossomed! I grew in my relationship with God, grew to love myself and know who I am in Christ, and volunteered a lot. And I got married once I stopped focusing so much on being married. You can do the same. If you have a desire to be married, I believe God gave you that desire. Psalm 37:4 says to “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Notice what this promise says first-to delight yourself in the Lord FIRST. Then He will give you what you want.

For example, if you desire to preach the gospel to millions of people, its safe to say God placed that desire in your heart because He wants you to do that someday. And God will give you that desire: if you desire to preach the gospel to millions of people, He will make that happen. It’s the same with marriage. If you desire to be married, God will allow you to get married. But don’t let it be the end all be all. God should be our ultimate desire. When we have Him, we have everything.

The Sex Talk: Why Sex Can Make or Break Your Marriage

Growing up in the church, I noticed that sex was a taboo topic. Sex wasn’t spoken of often. As if talking about sex somehow makes us impure and dirty. So when I got engaged, I noticed how many marriage gurus (much to my surprise) were placing so much importance on sex in marriage. One marriage expert, Dr. Kevin Leman author of “Sheet Music,” spoke of sex in the marriage podcast “Dear Young Married Couple.” He says, “sex is like a thermometer in marriage.” In that he, as a marriage therapist, could often tell how a marriage was doing based on how sexually active the couple was. Well, if marriage is so important, why aren’t our churches talking more about it?

Sex = Bad

I believe churches often stress abstinence so much that some churches choose to simply not discuss it at all. Figuring that marriage would be something the married couple would discuss after they are married.

But, I’ve noticed that in choosing not to discuss marriage at all, young couples are entering into marriage with incorrect mindsets of sex: a lot of people my age believe sex is just a fun time, or a transactional thing you do between the person you love or sex is some scary thing. Not simply a powerful glue between two married people (more on this later). I once heard someone describe sex as fire: it can provide warmth when in the safe confines of marriage, but it can be a dangerous inferno when outside the confines of marriage-destroying every aspect of your life in its blaze.

Let’s Talk About Sex

The Bible speaks often about sex. God created us as sexual beings, thus why his first command to Adam and Eve was “to be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). So its normal to have urges, or feel like you need sex. That doesn’t make you weird, or depraved. Of course I don’t think its healthy to be obsessed with sex. And there are some people who don’t have these urges, and have been blessed with what the Apostle Paul calls “the gift of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:6-9).” But for most people, the urges are there and strong. Why wouldn’t they? If no one had sex, humanity would die off!

The Apostle Paul even implored married couples to not abstain from sex for too long or you could fall to temptation (1 Corinthians 7:5). God designed sex to bring us pleasure (Proverbs 5:18, and the whole Songs of Solomon). But He wanted us to have sex in marriage. Outside of marriage, there are so many dangers: STDs, emotional and spiritual damage, and of course having children outside of marriage.

Sex: The Fire That Rages

Researchers at the Institute of Family shows that women with 3-10 or more sexual partners were most likely to divorce, while women with 0-1 sexual partners were least likely to divorce. More research shows that having multiple sexual partners before marriage could lead to less happy marriages. Pretty surprising considering our society enforces the idea that having multiple sexual partners is fun and liberating, huh? This data also goes against the idea that you need to have multiple sexual partners to determine who is your “sexual match.” Oh, please. If anything, sexual intimacy develops throughout a lifetime of marriage, and having sex with only one partner strengthens that intimacy. In having multiple partners, it could be easy to compare sex with your partner, and sex with previous partners.

There are also spiritual effects of premarital sex. Bible speaks of being careful who you have sex with. First Corinthians 6:16-17 says “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” This is a clear warning that whoever you have sex with, you become one with. Genesis 2:24 also says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

You see this is why sex is so important. It isn’t just a pleasurable moment of fun between two people. Sex is a spiritual covenant between you, your partner, and God. Having sex tells God you two agree to be partners for life. Thats why today, just like in the old days a married couple had to have sex in order to consummate the marriage. Meaning the marriage wasn’t valid unless the two had sex. Sex is like the glue holding two people together. Thats why sex can be a thermometer in marriage because it strengthens your oneness with your spouse.

Sex is Great and Important

But I digress. Sex is important. It’s amazing, and can only get better with your spouse as you grow to understand what the other wants. The verses above provide further proof that when you have sex, you become one with someone. So, the emotions, personality, and even desires of your spouse becomes enmeshed with your own. I can fully attest to this. My husband and I since becoming married have become a lot like one another: our personalities, goals, and desires are more unified now than when we were dating. This isn’t to say were the same person, but we are definitely one. God designed it this way to maintain unity in marriage.

So what do you do with all this information? I believe engagement is a great time to discuss sex. Don’t get too spicy though! But definitely discuss it during premarital counseling-not by yourselves. Talk about how often you would want to have sex, even going as far as making a sex schedule. I know, that sounds so silly right? But life has a way of getting in the way of things-even important things like sex. Your spouse may be in a season where he has to work long hours and you two can’t just have sex whenever you want. It definitely does help. Plus making a schedule gives you something to look forward to throughout the week! Sex should be a priority in marriage. Don’t be afraid to talk about your sexual desires or fantasies with your spouse (in marriage!). Or to spice things up with flirting, lingerie or romantic weekend getaways.

I’m not saying of course if you have had sex outside of marriage you’re a completely broken being with no hope. Of course not! God can restore any situation, and provide healing and newness if that’s your story. But, if we choose to live God’s way in regard to sex, we will be much better off than doing it the world’s way.

Blessings,

M/M

If God is Real, Why Does He Allow Bad Things to Happen?

This is a valid question I’m sure any person who’ve heard of God has wondered. I mean, just one glance outside, can tell you how broken, sad, and even dangerous our world is today. So, if God is so good and loving, does He just sit back and eat popcorn while the world burns? First of all: God is real. He loves people, and He wants what is best for humanity. But before I get carried away with that thought, we must demonstrate the validity of the Bible since I’ll be using the Bible to answer the question.

1. The Bible is Not Fiction

First, archeologists have discovered and continue to discover numerous artifacts and structures that prove the validity of the Bible. Here are just a few:

• In 1993, a stone block was discovered dating back to the ninth century BC with inscription BYTDWD meaning “house of David” a reference to Jesus’ great ancestor and king. 
• Two silver scrolls containing the priestly benediction from Numbers 6 was found southwest of Jerusalem in 1979. 
• In 1868 a missionary in Jerusalem found a victory stone made by the Moabite King Mesha in the 9th century  that records king’s version of a war fought with Israel in 850 BC; and the Bible records the same incident in 2 Kings 3. 
• The Epic of Gilgamesh, written on stone tablets from excavations of mid seventh century BC Nineveh tells the story of a flood coming to the earth. And the god Ea warned him about an approaching judgment and told him to build a boat to save his life from the watery onslaught. The story being very similar to the biblical narrative of Noah in Genesis 6–9 

• Almost all bible is represented in Dead Sea scrolls-scrolls that date back to 150-70AD. Before the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, the oldest known manuscripts of the Hebrew Bible dated to the 10th century A.D. The Dead Sea Scrolls include over 225 copies of biblical books that date up to 1,200 years earlier. 

Second, the gospels are proven to be historical and true. Archeologists state the gospels were written between 64 and 70 A.D. by four different people and they are similar but not exactly the same which is what we should expect from four different accounts. Archeologists also date the letters Paul were written between 48 and 60 A.D. 

Finally and most importantly, historical evidence of Jesus exists. First century Jewish historian Flavius Josephus wrote in a 20-volume history of the Jewish people in the book Jewish Antiquities. In the book, Josephus wrote of an unlawful execution. Josephus calls the victim, James, “the brother of Jesus-who-is-called-Messiah.” This historian also wrote the TestimoniumFlavianumwhich tells of a man who did surprising deeds and was crucified by Pilate. Since we know all these things, we know that the Bible is historically accurate and valid. So we can use the Bible to answer the question why God allows horrible things to happen. 

2. God Gives us Free Will

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“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites…” Joshua 24:15.

The Bible says God is love (1 John 4:7). He is not a dictator. He doesn’t control people or tell them what to do. He gives us the choice to live however way we want to live because He loves us. God wouldn’t be able to say He loves people without giving us a choice of how we want to live our lives. In the Garden of Eden, God told Adam and Eve to go and take care of the Garden. They had everything they needed: food, family, water, safety, and the peace of a relationship with God. He also told them to not eat of the Tree of Life (which was in the center of the Garden) (Genesis 2:17). He didn’t do this to tempt Adam and Eve, He was giving them a choice. To choose to follow God’s ways everyday. To choose to live the best life He wanted for them. Just like Adam and Eve, we have a choice every day: to live how God wants or to live how we want.

But in living how we want, it brings chaos sometimes. Sure we humans can come up with great ideas and we are capable of great things. But also horrible things. While wonderful charities, medicines, art and justice institutions came from the minds of humans, rape also came from the minds of human beings; stealing and murder also came from the minds of humans; and divorce came from the minds of humans. Like I said, we all are capable of goodness and evil-and its the evil that can be the most dangerous.  

“The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9

God’s ways are good and the best. His ways give us peace, love, and joy if we give him a chance. But He gives us the choice to live however way we want to live because He loves us. Yes He gives many laws but His laws protect us and set a standard for the best way to live: if we all were allowed to do whatever we wanted, however we felt like-the world would be a very scary place-none of us would ever leave our homes! But because we have laws, if you stole someone’s car, you will go to jail. If someone assaulted you, they would go to jail. Just as we establish laws, God also have laws in place to keep us safe. When we choose to break those laws, there are consequences.

3. You Have to Know the Bad to Appreciate the Good

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Yes God is a powerful God, and He can interfere in situations. In giving us free will, He does allow us to face the consequences of our situations. And sadly, in the brokenness of the world, many people suffer. But God can take the situations we find ourselves  in and make it beautiful-there are so many instances of this in the Bible: Ruth who lost her husband and married Boaz, or Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers. These situations caused pain, and distress but after the pain was peace and healing from God. If we didn’t know pain, we wouldn’t understand God as a healer. If we didn’t know loss, we wouldn’t know God as a comforter. If we didn’t know confusion, we wouldn’t know God as the truth. In the loss and hurts in the World, God can shine the brightest.  

Anyone can see our world is broken. We all need answers to our questions. God has all the answers we need. I believe God saved us Christians to be apart of the answer the world needs by leading the world back to God. Because in God we have peace from our struggles; healing from hurts; provision in place of poverty; and hope instead of hopelessness. Imagine a perfect world: no sickness, no death, no fear, or credit card bills. We would have peace, love, and joy. But we also wouldn’t know the relief of healing after pain, the joy after grief, the peace after chaos. So without the horrible, wicked things in the world we truly couldn’t appreciate all of God’s wonderful attributes without experiencing them in the pitfalls and triumphs of our lives.