Getting married is such a huge milestone in life! With the joy, and love you feel after you get married it’s important to keep in mind that marriage takes work. The first year of marriage is often touted as the hardest year. Probably because 40-50% of marriages end in divorce in the first year (roughly 10%). So with that in mind, here is the best advice for newlyweds.
Communicate Often and Without Blaming
I never like to beat a dead horse, but communication is so important in marriage. Miscommunications or not communicating at all can be a cause of a plethora of problems in marriage. Especially in your first year when you’re still getting to know your spouse.
Talk about everything with your spouse-your fears, your worries, your plans. You can never over-communicate. Your spouse could be your best friend if you both are open, honest, and truthful with each other. Not harboring bad thoughts or feelings about them or assuming things-Which leads to the next point. Do not assume!
2. Assume the best, not the worst
This is a big one. This tip is some of the best advice for newlyweds because it’s easy to assume your spouse wishes to do you wrong when it happens. But it’s harder to think otherwise. Most spouses are good and don’t truly hope to bring harm to their spouses. Yet we often assume our spouse intends to hurt us.
So, try to assume the best when a situation arises, and ask questions like: “it hurt when you said this, did you mean to say that?” or “it hurt me when you did this.” Let the emphasis be on how you felt in the situation, not on attacking them for making you feel that way.
3. Create Boundaries
The next tip is very important: boundaries. Like I mentioned in my article “How to have healthy boundaries in marriage.”
Definitely check that out for more information on this topic. The best advice for newlyweds would definitely be boundaries! Boundaries are very important when you get married. They ensure that you and your spouse can have a peaceful home and marriage where you both establish a new family while still included the extended family of parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.
These boundaries can be upheld by maintaining respect for your spouse among family and friends, and setting up physical boundaries (I.e., not living with family or friends if you can help it) and nonphysical boundaries (I.e., not gossiping about your spouse to family or friends).
4. Don’t go to Bed Angry
A simple, but effective tip! It forces you to communicate and work things out without the luxury of waiting until tomorrow. The bible even warns this in Ephesians 4:26, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
5. Have Common Goals
Having common goals with your spouse not only keeps you both on the same page but it gives you something to look forward to. Tell your spouse what you want out of life: do you want kids in five years? Do you never want to own a house? It’s important to bring up important life goals so you both have something to look forward to and work toward.
6. Do Life Together
Having common goals allows you to do life together. Your marriage should never feel like a glorified roommate situation. If it does, try to start doing life together- involve your spouse in your desires and goals for yourself and make it a joint effort. With the help of your spouse (and their input) reaching your goals could be a lot easier.
7. Be Your Spouse’s Dream Person
This tip is one of the most important in my opinion. Be the best version of your spouse. You’re going to be married for life and you never want to get bored with your spouse or they get bored with you.
Do your best to be your best! Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Make it a priority to keep up with your appearance. Of course, with age, our bodies change, but I believe you can be attractive to your spouse at any age. This leads to my next point: never stop pursuing each other.
8. Always Pursue Each Other
You can be as flirtatious as you want with your spouse. Like communication, you can never flirt too much. Send each other texts, leave messages around the house or in the car for each other. Tell your spouse he’s the finest man you’ve ever met. Let him know every day how much you adore them. Never stop pursuing. No one wants a dull marriage where you’re with each other just to be with each other. Make your marriage fun!
It’s important to know that these tips will be somewhat easy to do when you’re newlyweds. But make these tips lifetime priorities. Especially pursuing your spouse.